Posts Tagged ‘separation’

When Should You Get a Divorce?

Divorce in our country is so rampant that one third of those who have taken the plunge have also experienced the devastation of divorce. With the vast majority of people in America being married one or more times, it is common knowledge that every couple goes through a few rocky patches. Marriage problems can be solved by the open communication and strong agreement to one another. Couples who are serious about saving the relationship may find professional counseling to be useful in helping them to reconnect emotionally again.

Unfortunately, some problems escalate into insurmountable barriers to a successful marriage. Generally these seemingly unsolvable issues stem from one or both partners refusing to address their problems while they are still manageable. Someone’s feelings get hurt, resentment festers, and eventually one spouse detaches emotionally from the other. The further into this cycle a couple is, the more likely they will find themselves in divorce court.

Lack of communication is the beginning of the downhill slide that eventually leads to separation. It could begin with maintaining secrets, and soon either the wife, husband, or both, stay away from speaking to one another about their troubles or maybe even general life. A failure to communicate with each other indicates a lack of trust, which is the foundation of marriage.

Shortly following a breakdown in communication, a partner may begin to employ personal defense mechanisms that will continue to weaken the marital bond. Stonewalling tactics, being overly defensive, or dismissing the other spouse’s feelings makes healthy conflict resolution impossible. Avoiding conflict or engaging in negative defense mechanisms serves only to poison a marriage.

Sometimes one partner is met with the refusal of the other to work together on the marriage and make it better. In the end, the one that makes the effort to right the marriage problems will get tired of the other ignoring him or her, and may even start to distance his or herself. This is a stage when either or both the spouse want to call it a day to end the relationship.

When a marriage is doomed, is there a “point of no return”? Certainly there is. It is a matter that varies from couple to couple. Willingness is the key,if you want to save your marriage. As either of the spouse want to get apart, nothing is left in the marriage. Repairing a marraige takes serious committment and a willingness to be open and honest while being forgiving and long suffering. It can be a long, arduous process, but divorce can be just as difficult.

If you’d like more information, you can find out about my experience as an experienced divorce attorney in Austin TX. You may also want to ask for our Austin Divorce Guide CD at TruslerLegal.com. If you haven’t found what you’re looking for, you can see our questions about divorce in Austin Texas.

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Filed under Marriage : Comments (0) : Aug 1st, 2010

Divorce Should Be the Last Resort

Picture this scenario. A social gathering is available. A boy is introduced to a girl. A light conversation develops between them. They will talk for a certain amount of time and then go to their own houses after the party has ended. However, neither the boy or girl can get each other off their minds and they keep obsessing about their meeting.

The two run into each other quite by accident. Gradually they became good friends after their first date. Love slowly blossoms and the two decide to get married. As you know, these people have only seen the good side of each other, but they are sure they are meant to spend the rest of their lives together. Marriage between the two takes place with the blessings and wishes of elders and friends.

Presently, they are both ecstatic to have their privacy, as a couple. After a long, wonderful honeymoon, it’s time to go home again. Both of them have are working, have a small home and things could not have worked out better than this. They are very happy and when they look at couples that are divorced, they do not believe how bad things can end up when two people start out so much in love. As it stands now, divorce is an unfavorable word for them.

Life is full of fun, laughter and mirth and each one of them wants to please the other and there are no differences between the two and everything is hunky dory. One day, the wife returns home late from work, only to find that her husband is already home. He is upset that she is late and they have a small argument where she states that she did not say anything when he was late. Slowly but surely, the problems are solved and everthing is OK again. You find that this is just the start of it all.

As the days passed, the couple had more insinuations and more arguments over irrelevant matters Right now, the wife is pregnant and concerned about whether she will still have a career once the baby comes. The baby arrives and their world changes. As a mother’s world now focuses on caring for the little one, the father may appear to be avoiding accountability. There are more arguments everyday as the wife wants to get back to her work and a nanny is to be appointed for the baby.

As more differences between them become evident, neither of them are ready to be reasonable or accept blame. The career minded husband is not ready to share the household work and this added responsibility is difficult for the wife. Due to the parents’ lack of attention, the baby is suffering. Love seems to have flown out of the window and the couple is growing less tolerant towards each other. The only thing they would like now is a divorce and they will not consider any alternatives. Friends and well wishers try to intervene and resolve the misunderstanding but all in vain. The arising problem will be ego, an ugly reality that’s sure to interfere.

Was this all necessary? Could nothing else have worked? They would have been able to, but only if they had managed to see reason and thought with a cool head. A child is the wonderful thing that happens when two people are in love, the child should not ever have to suffer. All marriages can be saved as long as there has not been any violence or infidelity. Couples must try to ease the differences between each other, rather to look for a divorce. When all other resources have been used then and only then should divorce be brought into the conversation.

If divorce is a subject you’re interested in, you can read more about my practice as an good divorce attorney in Austin Texas. You can also take a look at our online workshop about divorce in Austin TX at www.AustinDivorceHelp.com. Today it’s even more important to find a way to divorce without breaking the bank. Read the details about the flat fee Austin Texas divorce.

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Filed under Marriage : Comments (0) : Sep 20th, 2009

Your Family Can Make It Through Divorce

Many of us have heard that the divorce rate in America today is near 40%. Many theories exist as to the cause of this high rate, but there is no clear cut answer. Although it may seem like there are few options, there are. It’s not always easy, but there are steps you can take to make your marriage the best it can be, or at the very least have an amicable divorce.

If you are still in the beginnings of a relationship, take your time to really get to know the person. People often get married while they are just starting to enjoy their relationship, and can be a mistake. The true test of your love is how you communicate and function when one member of the couple never does the dishes or another member leaves their clothes strewn about the room. More importantly is how you function as a couple when faced with big decisions such as, career advancement, going back to school or moving.

Prenuptial agreements are always advised when you do decide to get married, even if it seems like you have “nothing” to lose. Prenups can be a great tool, although celebrity divorces that have played out in the media somethimes impart them with a negative connotation. If you are cautious of your future course of action before you get into a marital relationship, it can actually prevent you from being shattered after your split. Attempt to maintain a level head when making your contract of what looks fair for you both. If you are worried about the what if’s, put them in the agreement. If you concerned about spousal infidelity, you can address that in the agreement. The emotional roller coaster of splitting up will be less severe, if the day ever comes where you need to go your separate ways. There will be no possessions or issues to fight about, and you can both focus your energies on accepting the split, healing, and moving on.

Couples counseling can be very effective, even though it has some negative connotations attached to it. Even couples that have the best communication have their persistent issues. Sometimes, employing the services of an unbiased third party is a good way to strengthen the bond between the two of you. If you do not want to undergo the trauma of parting later in lives, you should go for a couples therapy prior to your marriage and make sure that the relationship is going to be strong enough to face any and every problem.

You must always make it clear to your children, if you have any, the nature of your relationship with them and also with one another. On a different note, if your marriage feels secure, fair, and strong, let your partner know! If your relationship is failing, you are not in love anymore, or you want to split for other reasons, tell them gently. Go to family counseling as well as offering for them to go so solo counseling to work through their feelings. You should try formulating a plan in coordination and then see how a parting can impact each one of them keeping in mind the people they will stay with or the manner in which they will make things work out You will certainly create tensions in the family and hurt your children deeply hurt, if you tell them all of a sudden, without any warning, that you are ending your marriage.

If divorce is a subject you’re interested in, you can learn more about my practice as an top family law lawyer in Austin. You may also want to watch our workshop on divorce in Austin TX at www.AustinDivorceHelp.com. Learn how a collaborative divorce attorney in Austin Texas can help you through family disputes with dignity.

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Filed under Marriage : Comments (0) : Sep 15th, 2009

What effect does divorce have on children?

Approximately 1 out of every 10 kids in households today go through some kind of psychological problem justifying a therapist or psychologist. If the child’s parents have divorced, the percentage rockets to 3 or 4 out of every 10.

A divorce can have traumatic psychological effects on a kid. Unfortunately, a lot of parents fail to realize this. This is partially due to the fact that they may be experiencing anger and hurt themselves and are unable to empathize with their children’s feelings. But often it is simply that the parents don’t realize just how much their kid is being affected by the divorce.

One of the best divorce secrets for men is to find one of the many divorce education programs sprouting up all across the U.S. Currently the number of these programs stands at over a thousand. Some of the programs are available on line as well.

Typically these programs focus on the following main issues:

1) Working to eliminate or reduce parental fighting in front of the children – When a kid sees his mother and father constantly fighting, it causes feelings of stress and anxiety in them. But, even more important, you are teaching them how to act in relationships. Kids are like sponges, they absorb and assimilate the things that they see, especially from their parents. By arguing and battling front of your kids you are telling and showing them that this is the way that adults resolve their differences. A divorce education program can show you a better way of taking care of conflicts.

2) Don’t use the kids as bargaining chips – Your kids are not pawns to be used in disagreements with your spouse to win arguments or to get your way. It’s easy to forget this, especially if you have self esteem issues yourself. Whether the issue is child support, parental custody, visiting privileges, or whatever – don’t treat your kids like chess pieces. Unless you wish them to grow up with huge emotional and psychological issues.

3) Don’t wall off the child from either parent – Many times one parent will try to prevent the other parent from seeing or interacting with the kids. It may be a misguided attempt to “punish” the other parent, it may simply be mean spiritedness, or it may be one parent afraid to give up control. Unless there is some underlying issue why one parent shouldn’t see the child, such as past child abuse, this does no good for the kid at all. To have the best chance of growing up well adjusted, kids need a sound relationship with both of their parents.

4) Remembering that the child’s welfare come’s first – Getting a divorce is difficult, we know. But it’s not all about the parents. It’s about everyone in the family relationship – parents and kids alike. Keeping this simple fact in mind will not only make the transition easier for the kids, it often improves the relationship between the divorcing parents as well. Keeping the welfare of your kids at the forefront of your mind, makes the whole divorce and after divorce more civil.

For those that are greatly concerned with their child’s welfare and would like to do all they can to protect them once the divorce has gone through, think about joining a divorce education programs. A divorce education program can do all of that and more.

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Filed under Divorce : Comments (0) : Feb 20th, 2009

Rescuing Your Marriage on Your Own is Speedy and Painless to Do.

I don’t care who you are or how long you’ve been married, sooner or later you will have relationship challenges that can and sometimes do lead to more severe marriage challenges.  What you and your spouse must understand, right from the start of your marriage, is that you are in charge of of what happens in your relationship.  You have the power to fix it as simply as the troubles arise.  Knowing that you are in charge of the situation is one huge step in saving a potentially miserable marriage.

If you want to save your marriage the most significant and essential step is letting go of pride.  So many times in marriage problems people let their pride to get in the way which disables the process of healing.  If you need marriage help you first need to swallow hard and push that arrogance away.

Once the pride is off the beaten path, you and your partner can talk about anything, regardless of what because there is no pride to be bruised or to stand in the way.  Communication and a fast answer to your marriage troubles is how couples resolve their problems painlessly and immediately.  You have to be ready to discuss the issues with each other in a cool and civil manner.  If one or the other starts to yell, you need to discontinue the discussion right then and continue it when you both are peaceful.

An unhappy marriage doesn’t happen overnight and fixing the concerns won’t be immediate, but they will happen fast providing each of you are prepared to acknowledge what has gone erroneous and are ready to help out to make it right.  It’s always good to remember that when you point a finger of blame at somebody there are always three fingers pointing back at you.  That’s an old cliché but ever so true. 

The sooner you recognize a problem and begin to resolve it, the faster you and your spouse can get back to a quiet and fit marriage.  This is not to say that you won’t ever have challenges again; as long as there is marriage, there will always be marriage troubles.  It’s naïve to feel that you can spend every day of the rest of your life with the same person and not have some kind of relationship problems.  That is normal in every single marriage known to man.  It is how you deal with those challenges that set you away from all the others.  Your willingness to make the  marriage work and not give in to the “easy way out”, which so many people do these days is what will make you successful. 

It takes a lot of exertion keeping a marriage living and running healthy and far too many people are not prepared to go that extra mile or put forth the effort to take a sad marriage and turn it around.  Divorce is easy; costly, but effortless.  The sad truth of the matter is more people break up than those who try to work out their marriage troubles.  It hasn’t always been that way; people used to look downward on divorce as “sinful” or “disgraceful”.  Society used to look at divorce as being out of the ordinary. At the moment people consider those who are able to maintain a strong marriage as being out of the norm.  It’s odd and even sad at times how society dictates the lives of so many people and how all those people allow it to happen.

No matter how you look at it, marriage takes a lot of work; from day one to the end of your life, you will always be working on your marriage.  You think you know the person you are with?  Check this out What You Absolutely Must Know About the One You Are With review to see if it can help you to find out how much you really do know about your spouse.

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Filed under Marriage : Comments (0) : Dec 13th, 2008

Divorce Mediation Process: The Least Adversarial Approach to Concluding a Marriage

During divorce you will want to avoid court as much as possible. It is expensive! Instead, you and your ex want to agree ahead of time how all assets will be divided, and what will happen to any affected children. Then their lawyers draft all required paperwork, and the separation/divorce is made final.

The problems begin when the couple cannot agree on the process, or the splitting of assets. The divorce mediation process is the way to go in this case. If the couple can agree on a specific mediator, then this is the best and most economical route.

A divorce mediator is a nonaligned person or organisation which is professionally trained to assist separating couples to work out the unavoidable quarrels taking place in the course of the divorce mediation process. The most important duty of the divorce mediator is to create a realistic and practical separation arrangement.

5 Basic Reasons Why Divorce Mediation Is Better

(1) usually faster and cheaper than lawyers/courts
(2) more personal, as the couple shape the final agreement
(3) makes for a “friendlier” divorce (good if young children are involved)
(4) more flexible than court ordered agreements
(5) more confidential than court ordered agreements

The Process of Divorce Mediation

The mediator will probably work you through a number of draft agreements, until the final draft thus generated is agreed upon by both aggrieved parties in the divorce process. The divorce mediator will develop a closing document fit to be signed and sealed by both persons.

This divorce mediation process does not mean you can skip your lawyer. You will still need them to conduct a review of the concluded divorce agreement. 

Finding a Mediator

Here is a short list of some ways of finding a mediator.

(1) yellow pages
(2) circle of friends
(3) your lawyers
(4) search the Internet

Separation and divorce are negative processes, and the court system can sometimes make it more negative than it needs to be. Our hope is that you and your ex can agree on a mediator, as it can be a much calmer and sane way to go through the process.

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Filed under Divorce : Comments (0) : Oct 25th, 2008