Posts Tagged ‘marriage counseling’

Save your marriage, save your relationship

One thing that seems easy to do nowadays are people give up on their marriage when there are problems.  But with all the consequences of failed marriage you must do everything you can to save it.In this article we are going to examine the reasons why you must do all you can to save your marriage.

First and foremost when problems happen in marriage it is definitely a very difficult situation. What was once a perfect relationship can turn into sour and definitely make it seem hard to live.But that is when a couple should fight the hardest and remember the beautiful love they once had.  In my marriage counselor San Diego practice I try to have the couple remember those good times.I try to make them remember all the perfect promises they made.Hopefully this will make them to try to work things out.

Another valid reason why you should not let problems end your marriage is usually there are kids involved.If you have had children together then the effect it has on children is totally devastating.  As a family counselor San Diego practice I see these effects all the time.The children most of the times take it with all difficulty. Studies have absolutely indicated that it is healthier for children to grow up with two parents.So when troubles occur you absolutely need to work it our for the sake of the children as well.

Finally the problems that cause breakups are usually not enough to deserve a break up.Of course there are some situations when things happen like adultery that could deserve a break up.  But if it isn’t something as serious as that you have to work it out.  Doing couples counseling San Diego oftentimes it is a breakdown in communication.Usually it can fix many problems when you are able to help them communicate.

So next time you are having troubles with your marriage do not just think of the problems.  Think of the consequences and work things out for the better.

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Filed under Conflict : Comments (0) : Nov 23rd, 2009

How to Improve Communication in a Marriage

Lack of communication is listed as one of the main causes for an unhappy marriage and even divorce. That’s really not unexpected. When you were a baby and weren’t able to communicate, what did you do? You cried and threw a tantrum until somebody figured out what your needs were. Now that you’re grown up that won’t work although it’s tried in some form by many spouses.

Good communication takes practice. Remember, you’re communicating even though you may not be talking.Your body language and expressions can speak a lot about what you like and dislike. Your facial emotions say a lot about you. Do you still smile at your spouse?
Some spouses are afraid to smile or be too nice for fear of being asked to do something they don’t want to do.

If that’s your attitude, maybe it’s time to talk. If you’re not happy with your relationship be honest about it and demand a solution. Solutions usually start at the bargaining table where both parties are willing to negotiate and come up with a solution both can live with.

Find a good and convenient time to communicate. If either of you has a pressing project that needs to be completed or an upcoming schedule, then agree to a more appropriate time. At least you’ve made the effort and the cards are on the table. Don’t trap your spouse in a situation where they must listen such as driving to visit the relatives. You may not be in a good mood when you arrive if this happens.

Be tactful in suggesting a talk is necessary. Don’t be demanding but suggest you’d like to visit a while about such and such as soon as they have time. This gives both of you time to summarize your thoughts. It’s not good to come to the table unready. Know what you’re unhappy with and how you’d suggest the problem be solved.

Once you’re talking, be a good listener. Listening is as important as talking. If your spouse is not as good at expressing as you then compensate.  Repeat what they’ve said by commenting something like “Here’s what I think you’re trying to say.” Don’t talk down to your spouse and make them feel inadequate.Both opinions are equally significant.

Don’t have distractions when talking like the radio or TV and certainly not when the kids are present. Bringing up a problem during dinner is not appropriate.  That would qualify as trapping your partner and problem ruin both your appetites. Your attention must be undivided and you must make eye contact. Allow enough time for a complete discussion.

Strive for a solution but if one is not reached, reschedule a time to continue.Do not give up. Remember there’s another world besides yours and you must exist in both.
Compromise is always a good choice. If you’re wrong, take responsibility and change. If no solution is evident, professional help may be needed.Communication will not solve all your difficulties but it’s a good startup.

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Filed under Communication : Comments (0) : May 21st, 2009

Friendship Is The Core Of Any Good Relationship Or Marriage

A good friendship is very precious.  A good marriage is something to cherish.Is it possible to associate the two and have the best of both worlds?Sometimes friendship comes before marriage but not always. 

You’ve probably had many friends of the opposite sex you would not consider marrying. And, you may have heard someone who’s married comment that the spouse is also a best friend. Did the friendship develop before, during or after the marriage? If your true friend has became your partner now then you are really fortunate.

A friend is someone you can be totally honest and comfortable with. You can spend hours together in talking and sharing your dreams and ideas. They can unintentionally hurt you or cause you discomfort and you have no trouble forgiving them. A good friend is there for you no matter what happens and you care for them regardless.

Friends usually have common interests. You find interesting things to do together and show enthusiasm and encouragement for the other’s victories. If they fail and experience defeat, you are there to help and support. You have mutual respect for each other even if one does something embarrassing. 

The more time you invest in a relationship the more stable and meaningful it becomes. Relationships gain strength when built on a steady incline. By pacing your relationship you gain insight into the character of your friend. You monitor how they react to good and bad events. 

As long as you remain friends, you can be comfortable with what the friend does even if it involves someone else. You’re not jealous of a friend but if you become romantically involved this will change and so will your demeanor. 

You’ll presumably become more demanding and obsessive. Sharing your friend with someone else is not something you’ll permit anymore. The playing field has changed and you hope your friend agrees with the modification in the rules.

No doubt friendships can build a firm foundation for marriage. However, friends often never advance into marriage because the emotional charge is absent. If there is no physical spark then there’s no desire to move further. Marriage has lost many a good friend and friends have lost many a good partner.

Physical attraction is not the only ingredient for a successful marriage relationship. No one can survive and be intimate 24 hours a day. You must explore ways to have more in marriage than sex. Developing a good friendship after marriage has often averted break ups. It’s sometimes easier for lovers to become friends than the other way around.

Friendship and marriage are both things to be desired and acquired. Be thankful if you can experience both in the same relationship. Work together to base your marriage on both and create ways to keep them fresh and alive. A foundation with both is unshakable.

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Filed under Marriage : Comments (0) : May 21st, 2009

Ask Your Mate To Go To A Marriage Counselor

Relationship counseling is often a last resort for couples on the brink of the divorce.But some couples try relationship counseling early, when the first problems arise. Relationship Counseling is something that a couple shouldn’t be afraid to try, even if the problems seem minor.Catching small problems early with counseling can prevent even bigger problems in the future.  Early counseling can even do something to prevent a future divorce.

Todays couples are more apt to try to new things, which makes relationship counseling a good option.Couples married years ago are less likely to go for counseling, perhaps because it wasn’t something you talked about when they were younger. Very often marriages of 20 or 30 years now end in divorce, which is a shame because they’ll never know if relationship counseling could have helped save the marriage.

If you feel like you need relationship counseling, be sure to ask your partner to go to counseling with you in a non-judgmental way.If you ask your partner to go to counseling in a way that seems like you are accusing them of being the problem and needing counseling, you’re likely to encounter resistance to the idea.  Try to make it clear that you want the counseling for yourself if nothing else.

If you ask your partner to go to counseling because you have some issues you need to work on, they’re more likely to view the idea favorably.Explain that you think you need some help to be able to contribute more to the relationship, and to learn how to be a better partner.  Don’t accuse the other person of need counseling.Even if you believe that they are the problem, don’t say it to them.Once you’re both in relationship counseling, you will learn tips and techniques for being better within the relationship, just as your partner will.

Don’t be afraid to suggest marriage counseling, whether you’ve been in the relationship for 6 months, 5 years or 3 decades.  It’s never too late to try counseling to resolve problems.  And it’s never too late to try to keep small problems from becoming big ones. If the relationship is relatively new, you might think that you’re admitting to problems and admitting that the relationship is rocky by suggesting counseling.But that’s not the truth.But by facing any obstacles now, you’re making your relationship stronger in the long run.

If your partner believes that your suggestion of relationship counseling means that the relationship isn’t perfect, and maybe even is doomed, calmly explain that that isn’t true.And because you’re willing to admit that everything is perfect shows that you’re willing to make necessary changes to keep you and your partner happy.

If your partner refuses, go on your own.  While the counseling would work best if both of you go, you can go and work on things to improve yourself. If your partner sees you going to relationship counseling, they’re more likely to give it a try.

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Filed under Divorce : Comments (0) : May 6th, 2009

How to Repair a Broken Marriage

Even in the best marriage a couple will in the end come across a unstable time in their lives.  It is only natural when two people spend every day of their lives together there will be disagreements.  The secret to beating those marriage challenges is how you deal with the instability when you first enter into it.

Differences, if managed properly, can be healthy for a marriage as it gives you each a moment to evaluate the problem and then work together to fix it.  But unfortunately what happens in too many marriages is couples just permit the disagreement to blow over without ever talking about the problems.  Many times this happens because couples just don’t know how to talk about the subject.  If you’ve been in this situation, you can check out the Magic of Making Up review to see if it can give you some tremendous thoughts about how to solve your relationship problems in a healthy way. 

Minor differences, left unattended, can swell into an avalanche; it’s important to fix the trouble right now and don’t just let it blow over.  If you have a tire that has a slow leak, you can keep putting air in the tire, but that doesn’t solve the problem.  You have to find where the leak is and patch it.  To save your marriage, the same analogy applies. 

A troubled marriage is solvable as long as both of you recognize that there are problems and are willing to work together to solve these problems.  If only one spouse recognizes the challenges and the other one doesn’t, the relationship problems will only deteriorate. 

Maybe you have tried to reason with your spouse and attempted to work on the problems, but your spouse is having a problem accepting that there really is a problem; this can be very frustrating and leave you feeling weak.  There are explanations at your fingertips; you might want to check out the Save My Marriage Today review and see if it can give you some great ideas on how to get your spouse to react in a optimistic way to work together to get past your relationship troubles. 

Marriage is supposed to be about supporting one another and soothing each other; if your spouse has been left with a broken heart, mending that heart can take time and patience on your end.  You have to let him or her know that you are prepared to do anything you have to do to help them get past it.  And if you are the spouse with the broken heart, once your heart is mended, don’t allow something in the future to reopen the injury.  Once you get past a problem, let it die and put it to rest forever.  Nothing positive has ever come from digging up old bones; you have to move on and away from the past.

You may feel you have the best marriage, but even that marriage can be at risk if relationship troubles aren’t properly dealt with.  You don’t have to allow small differences or even important differences from ruining your marriage; you have the authority to save your marriage if you understand how to deal with it.  If you are having one of those unsteady times in your marriage and are looking for solutions about how to save your marriage, you might want to check out the Mastery Guide to Saving Your Marriage & Stopping Your Divorce review to see if it can give you some very insightful knowledge and help you to find the answers you’ve been looking for.

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Filed under Marriage : Comments (0) : Nov 6th, 2008