Posts Tagged ‘Marriage’

Divorce Should Be the Last Resort

Picture this scenario. A social gathering is available. A boy is introduced to a girl. A light conversation develops between them. They will talk for a certain amount of time and then go to their own houses after the party has ended. However, neither the boy or girl can get each other off their minds and they keep obsessing about their meeting.

The two run into each other quite by accident. Gradually they became good friends after their first date. Love slowly blossoms and the two decide to get married. As you know, these people have only seen the good side of each other, but they are sure they are meant to spend the rest of their lives together. Marriage between the two takes place with the blessings and wishes of elders and friends.

Presently, they are both ecstatic to have their privacy, as a couple. After a long, wonderful honeymoon, it’s time to go home again. Both of them have are working, have a small home and things could not have worked out better than this. They are very happy and when they look at couples that are divorced, they do not believe how bad things can end up when two people start out so much in love. As it stands now, divorce is an unfavorable word for them.

Life is full of fun, laughter and mirth and each one of them wants to please the other and there are no differences between the two and everything is hunky dory. One day, the wife returns home late from work, only to find that her husband is already home. He is upset that she is late and they have a small argument where she states that she did not say anything when he was late. Slowly but surely, the problems are solved and everthing is OK again. You find that this is just the start of it all.

As the days passed, the couple had more insinuations and more arguments over irrelevant matters Right now, the wife is pregnant and concerned about whether she will still have a career once the baby comes. The baby arrives and their world changes. As a mother’s world now focuses on caring for the little one, the father may appear to be avoiding accountability. There are more arguments everyday as the wife wants to get back to her work and a nanny is to be appointed for the baby.

As more differences between them become evident, neither of them are ready to be reasonable or accept blame. The career minded husband is not ready to share the household work and this added responsibility is difficult for the wife. Due to the parents’ lack of attention, the baby is suffering. Love seems to have flown out of the window and the couple is growing less tolerant towards each other. The only thing they would like now is a divorce and they will not consider any alternatives. Friends and well wishers try to intervene and resolve the misunderstanding but all in vain. The arising problem will be ego, an ugly reality that’s sure to interfere.

Was this all necessary? Could nothing else have worked? They would have been able to, but only if they had managed to see reason and thought with a cool head. A child is the wonderful thing that happens when two people are in love, the child should not ever have to suffer. All marriages can be saved as long as there has not been any violence or infidelity. Couples must try to ease the differences between each other, rather to look for a divorce. When all other resources have been used then and only then should divorce be brought into the conversation.

If divorce is a subject you’re interested in, you can read more about my practice as an good divorce attorney in Austin Texas. You can also take a look at our online workshop about divorce in Austin TX at www.AustinDivorceHelp.com. Today it’s even more important to find a way to divorce without breaking the bank. Read the details about the flat fee Austin Texas divorce.

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Filed under Marriage : Comments (0) : Sep 20th, 2009

Your Family Can Make It Through Divorce

Many of us have heard that the divorce rate in America today is near 40%. Many theories exist as to the cause of this high rate, but there is no clear cut answer. Although it may seem like there are few options, there are. It’s not always easy, but there are steps you can take to make your marriage the best it can be, or at the very least have an amicable divorce.

If you are still in the beginnings of a relationship, take your time to really get to know the person. People often get married while they are just starting to enjoy their relationship, and can be a mistake. The true test of your love is how you communicate and function when one member of the couple never does the dishes or another member leaves their clothes strewn about the room. More importantly is how you function as a couple when faced with big decisions such as, career advancement, going back to school or moving.

Prenuptial agreements are always advised when you do decide to get married, even if it seems like you have “nothing” to lose. Prenups can be a great tool, although celebrity divorces that have played out in the media somethimes impart them with a negative connotation. If you are cautious of your future course of action before you get into a marital relationship, it can actually prevent you from being shattered after your split. Attempt to maintain a level head when making your contract of what looks fair for you both. If you are worried about the what if’s, put them in the agreement. If you concerned about spousal infidelity, you can address that in the agreement. The emotional roller coaster of splitting up will be less severe, if the day ever comes where you need to go your separate ways. There will be no possessions or issues to fight about, and you can both focus your energies on accepting the split, healing, and moving on.

Couples counseling can be very effective, even though it has some negative connotations attached to it. Even couples that have the best communication have their persistent issues. Sometimes, employing the services of an unbiased third party is a good way to strengthen the bond between the two of you. If you do not want to undergo the trauma of parting later in lives, you should go for a couples therapy prior to your marriage and make sure that the relationship is going to be strong enough to face any and every problem.

You must always make it clear to your children, if you have any, the nature of your relationship with them and also with one another. On a different note, if your marriage feels secure, fair, and strong, let your partner know! If your relationship is failing, you are not in love anymore, or you want to split for other reasons, tell them gently. Go to family counseling as well as offering for them to go so solo counseling to work through their feelings. You should try formulating a plan in coordination and then see how a parting can impact each one of them keeping in mind the people they will stay with or the manner in which they will make things work out You will certainly create tensions in the family and hurt your children deeply hurt, if you tell them all of a sudden, without any warning, that you are ending your marriage.

If divorce is a subject you’re interested in, you can learn more about my practice as an top family law lawyer in Austin. You may also want to watch our workshop on divorce in Austin TX at www.AustinDivorceHelp.com. Learn how a collaborative divorce attorney in Austin Texas can help you through family disputes with dignity.

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Filed under Marriage : Comments (0) : Sep 15th, 2009

Surviving Infidelity And Restoring Marriage

Many men are fond of looking at other women and thus surviving infidelity is a typical ordeal of most married women. How must you handle your husband’s disloyalty?

Women usually pity themselves for having been cheated on simply because they were not enough for their husbands. Rationally speaking, men will not look for other women if they are satisfied with their partners and at the rate that their married lives are going.

You don’t have the accountability for what your husband is doing. You should not think that your actions caused the other’s dishonesty. Rather, infidelity is a choice of the party who has offended the other. You are the wife but it was your husband who committed the mistake. It was not you who decided to have the affair.

Surviving infidelity is not that easy. It excruciating pain to the offended party. Should you consider working things out?

Determine your grounds on your marriage. It helps a lot to think of the happy thoughts, convenience, and good points that your marriage has. If you concentrate on the traumatizing part, you will surely find it hard to live with your husband. Couples go through these tests so you have to be brave.

The memories of the past are hard to forget. And it is true that your heart may forgive but it may not forget. The past will often show itself. You will continue to doubt your husband. You must be open-minded, more understanding, and be able to move on to survive what your husband has done.

Although your husband had breached the trust in your marriage, surviving infidelity is all about the process that both of you should go through to nurture your love for each other and grow stronger together.

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Filed under Affairs : Comments (0) : Sep 13th, 2009

Get Ex Back After They Cheated

Cheating and infidelity are a big relationship killer.  If it happens to you, that your mate cheated on you, this is a big problem.    The trust and faith that is essential to intimacy has been broken.  You feel betrayed and hurt.  Maybe you already kicked out your mate.  This is only to be expected.  You can get more intimacy help here.

After infidelity, should you try to fix your relationship?  If kids are involved, working it out can be a kindness.  Also, if you have put a lot of work into your partnership, it is worth not tossing it away without some salvage work.

If you want to get your ex back after they cheated on you, there is good news.  You can, with some careful work, not only get them back but hopefully make the relationship even stronger. 

The very first thing you want to do is work on the broken trust between you.  You will need to repair it.  Trust can be restored, beginning in just days, if you use some emotional logic to help you.

This article can’t go into all the details, but you should know that the key to restoring trust after infidelity lies in taking a few powerful steps.  One of those steps is to vent to your ex, to get the hateful and hurt feelings off your chest.  This is an important and powerful process.  You ask your ex to not argue, and not defend themselves, and to just listen.  Then you talk about how what they did made you feel. You can learn more about how to get your ex back here.

This is an important step to repairing the damage from the betrayal.  You have to let your ex know how it made you feel in a way that is safe and respected.  You can get coaching on how to do it, but doing it will help you.

Also, you should consider using a relationship therapist.  You can go with your mate or by yourself.  They are highly trained to help repair broken trust.  Use their knowledge and help!

The value here is that if you got cheated on, there are ways to repair the damage and save your relationship.  You can get back to the love.  It will not be easy, but the end result can be worth the effort.  You can get a complete system for Get Your Ex Back In Hours here.

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Filed under Affairs : Comments (0) : Sep 8th, 2009

Getting Your Ex Back With A Deep Apology

Most of us never really learned much about how to apologize.  We all know how to say “I’m sorry” of course.  But beyond that, we don’t know what to do or say to seek forgiveness.  When you wronged your mate and want to get your ex back, just saying I’m sorry won’t cut it.

There is a free course you can download instantly on this at Getting Your Ex Back In Hours.

Fortunately, there are deeper levels of apologies that we never learned in school.  When you have lost your relationship and your love because you did something wrong to them, you will need to make a Power Apology.

A power apology has as many as 7 or eight steps to it.   A power apology is designed to get your ex from anger or hurt to acceptance and forgiveness in just hours or sometimes even minutes.  Power apologies should be taught in school, they are so useful in keeping relationships from ending.  Here are the steps to a Power Apology:

The first thing is to fess up to what you did.  Own up to it.  Admit it if you wronged your mate (there is a different process if your mate wronged you).  This is important because rather than excuses and explanations I was drunk, it didn’t mean anything! you let your ex know that you understand that you did them wrong.

The second thing is to mirror their hurt feelings.  You say something like “Hon, I know I made you feel betrayed and unloved and very say by cheating on you…”  This is a very powerful form of emotional intelligence.  When you mirror their hurt feelings, they will feel like you really do understand the impact of your actions.

The third thing is to let them vent and get their hurt feelings off their chest.  You listen and let them tell you how they feel about what you did.  You just want to make them feel heard and understood, so you listen and don’t defend or try to explain yourself.

To understand more about the power of venting, you can check out the information at a site on Relationship Intelligence.

If you have followed these first three steps, you are well on your way to making an apology that will get accepted and lead to forgiveness.  By this point you have not tried to blame or defend yourself to your ex for what you did wrong.  You have been an adult and taken responsibility.  At some level they will respect this.    Then you have surprised them by mirroring their feelings, so they are feeling like you understand them.  And finally, you have listened to them, let them vent and get things off their chest.

Now that you have done these things first, you can now say I’m sorry.  Rather than rush in with I’m sorry, if you wait til after you’ve followed the three prior steps your apology will be much more likely to be accepted.

Part 2 of this article discusses the steps to take after you’ve apologized, and it can be seen here at Get Ex Back Part 2.

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Filed under General : Comments (0) : May 21st, 2009

Relationship Help – Don’t Lose True Love

Everyone wants true love.  Songs are written about it.  Movies are made about it.  The idea seems to be that there is a true love out there and until we find it we can’t live happily ever after.  You can get Marriage Guidance about this here.

And, when we find it, it’s great.  We feel totally loved and in love.  We are in bliss at times.  We love everything about them.  But, unfortunately, only for a while. 

After about six months or so we find that the feeling of true love begins to fade some.  We start to have little arguments and conflicts.  We notice we want a little space or we get hurt that our mate wants some space.  What happened to true love. Is it lost?

No, we haven’t lost true love.  It just changes, and it will change for all of us!  Psychologists have found that relationships occur in phases.  The first initial period of a relationship is called the “oceanic love” period.  This is when we are totally merged.  We love everything about them.  It is marvelous!

But all good things come to an end, and research says that after six months or thereabouts we begin to move into the me-us phase.  We start to separate some.  We want our own space or feel hurt by our mate wanting theirs.  We begin to have a few conflicts.  We feel the need to have our own friends or work on our own interests and goals some.  This is normal.  You can get Get Relationship Advice about this here.

Look.  If we didn’t start to separate from our partners, we’d become a dysfunctional mess.  We each have to continue to take our journey’s in life.  We have to move forward with our own goals and interests.  We can’t just stay in bed with our lovers and play.  Life beckons us onward.

So if you want to keep true love in your life, understand this:  Don’t give up on love because you move out of the oceanic love phase.  Love is bigger than that.  Physical attraction is just one part that will rise and fall.  True love means learning to love the whole person, the parts you think are good and the parts you don’t like so much.

To keep true love, you have to learn that conflict is okay.  It will happen.  True love includes some conflict between two healthy normal adults with their own lives and interests.  True love includes them needing their own space and not running when things get uncomfortable from time to time.  It includes working things out.  This is the only way you’ll ever get to keep it.  You can get more How To Get Relationship Intelligence here.

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Filed under Love : Comments (0) : May 21st, 2009

Making Up Fast With This Technique

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The reason relationships end can be grouped into three categories.  You wronged your ex, they wronged you, or relationship drift.  This article deals with the first two reasons.  You can learn more about getting ex back here. 

If, for example, your ex cheated on you or you cheated on them, there is a very important strategy you can use to get them back that can work in hours instead of weeks or months.  This strategy is called venting.  Venting is when you or someone else gets things off their chest.  What does this have to do with getting your ex back fast?

Because their good feelings towards you have now been replaced by bad ones.  Hurt, anger, sadness.  That’s obvious.  So the question becomes, how can you help them to release those negative feelings besides wait six months to see if they get over it?  Is there a way to speed up the process of resolving negative feelings?

The way to resolve bad feelings fast is to vent them.  To get them off one’s chest.  If they cheated on you, you need to vent to them.  If you cheated on your ex, they have some negative feelings they will drag around for a long time unless you help them to vent.  To oversimplify, you call them up and ask them how they feel about what you did to them.  Then be silent and let them put their emotions into words and start getting them off their chest.  You can get a complete system for Get Ex Back Fast here that goes into detail.

Look at it like a balloon filling with the hot air of negative feelings.  You want to prick the balloon by inviting your ex to vent.  It’s not hard, but it takes a bit of practice.  You want to make them feel heard and understood.  You don’t argue or explain or defend yourself.

This same strategy works the other way if they wronged you.  If you want them back after, say, they cheated on you, you need to release your bad feelings about what they did before you can really take them back.  So you ask them to just listen and not defend while you vent.

You already know about this tool.  You’ve probably used it many times over a beer with a friend getting things off your chest about work or your personal life, for example.

Using the tool of venting to get your ex back, along with a few others, can allow you to clear the air and resolve your issues much more quickly.  Instead of waiting months hoping they get over it, you can usually get them back starting in just hours from now.  You can get a free course on How To Have Loving Marriage Help here.

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Filed under General : Comments (0) : May 10th, 2009

Get Ex Back With No Begging

how to get your ex back

Once our ex dumps us, we can really start to miss them.  It hurts so much we can end up doing crazy things.  We can stalk them by phone, text, or in person.  We can say I’m sorry til we’re blue in the face to no avail.  And we can beg and plead for another chance.  You can learn more about how to get your ex back here.

Everyone likes a little begging, they like to feel really wanted and needed.  But just a little.  Why begging doesn’t work is because it doesn’t change the bad feelings they have about you.  Your ex split up with you because their positive feelings for you have been replaced by negative ones.

You can beg all you want, but it won’t change their negative feelings about you.  They may pity you for begging, but just see you as weak and it will confirm they made a good choice in dumping you.

What you should do instead of begging is to have a plan that won’t make you look weak and pitiable.  Your plan needs to have part that helps your ex to release and let go of the bad feelings they have about you or what you did that are keeping you apart.

There are several Immediate Reconnect Plans to follow depending on why you broke up.  Each one has several steps you can take to actually help them to release the bad feelings they have about you so they can get back to love.  Go here for a free course on How To Fix Relationship Problems.

A very good first step, if you wronged your mate, is to just admit or fess up to what you did that was wrong.  Do not try to justify your poor behavior with lame excuses.  Just fess up like an adult.

The next very important step is to let them get things off their chest.  Let them vent.  Ask them how they feel about whatever happened then LISTEN.  Listening to their feelings is what helps them to let go of their negativity.

There is a lot more to this strategy, but it will usually be a lot more powerful than begging and pleading with them to take you back.  You can take a free course on how to get your ex back in hours.  You can get a complete system about how to get your ex back here.

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Filed under General : Comments (0) : May 10th, 2009

Relationship Advice-Stopping Conflict

Conflict can kill a marriage over time.  So it pays off to learn how to reduce conflict and to learn to argue in a healthy way.  Shows like Dr Phil and lots of books and courses can teach you to fight fair and to minimize the damage conflict causes to your marriage. This kind of Relationship Advice can make a difference.

You really can improve the quality of your marriage by learning how to deal with conflict in positive rather than negative ways.  It is worth paying attention to.  However, is there a way to stop conflict before it ever begins?  Is there a way to stop fighting at the source?

There is a way to minimize fighting and stop it at its source.  This strategy is a secret that no one talks about even though it is staring us right in the face.  The way to stop marital conflict before it starts is to PLAY more with your spouse!

Play is the secret weapon against conflict!  The more play in your marriage, the less conflict.  Remember at the start of your relationship?  You played all the time with your partner.  You had sex, went to dinner, danced, had lots of sexual activity.  In the falling in love stage there was lots more playing than fighting.  Playing like this is a the way to get How To Get Relationship Help that can make things better.

But then time passes and we get married.  We have jobs and responsibilities and burdens and kids.  Over time the play can begin to disappear from our marriage.  And then the fighting and conflict will begin to increase.

So try this simple experiment for the next few weeks.  Start to play with your mate more.  Have at least one date night a week.  Besides that, plan two other times a week where you play for at least half an hour.  Play in a way that you both enjoy.  Could just be walking around the lake, or playing a board game, or whatever.  Add some play back in to your marriage on purpose and see what happens.

Increasing the play in your marriage will reduce the conflict.  It may be difficult at first, if you’ve gotten out of the habit with each other, but it is fun to change that habit.  So spend a little time planning to play and see for yourself how much conflict begins to diminish between you using this little secret.  You can get more relationship help of this kind here.

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Filed under Conflict : Comments (0) : May 10th, 2009

Relationship Advice For When You’re The Only One Trying

You can fix relationship problems even if you seem to be the only trying to change your relationship.  You can make your relationship better even if your mate doesn’t seem interested in changing anything at all.  There are many ways to accomplish this, but one is the 4 Step Quick Change Method. This is Love And Intimacy Help that makes a difference.

First Step:  Be specific about what you want to change.  What specifically would make the relationship better for you?  More quality time together?  More real communication?  Less conflict?

The first step to changing your relationship is to be as specific and concrete as you can about what it is that you want to change.  The more specific you are, the more likely you’ll be to get the change you want.

Step two is to then make a request of your partner.  Ask him or her for what you want, being specific about the change you seek.  Do not say “We don’t communicate, can we talk more?”  That won’t help your partner see exactly what you want to change in the area of communication. Good Relationship Advice can really help you make changes for the better.

Do say When we get home from work, can we spend some quality time talking about our day before we turn on the tv?  Be as specific as you can, that way you will more likely get what you want.

The Third Step:  You’ve made a specific request, so expect a specific answer.  Let your partner either say yes, no, or maybe.  Don’t let them ignore you.

Look, they may surprise you and just say yes if you have made an attractive offer or request.  Or they may want to counter-offer to talk while you go for an evening walk or whatever.  And they may say no, but if so, it’s okay.

Step Four is not to get stopped by a no.  You don’t need to have a big battle with them if they decline your request.  It’s not a request if they can’t say no, is it?  Sometimes a no will just be a delayed yes, where they start to do more of what you asked them later on.

And sometimes, their no will be authentic, and then you need to honor it and make your own choices.  But if they say no, you can always ask again tomorrow or next week, if it is important to you don’t just accept the first no, ask again, this can help them get to yes.

Fixing relationship problems when you are the only one trying isn’t easy.  This tool will help.  You can make things better with a little of the right kind of focus and effort. You can get more advice for relationships here.

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Filed under General : Comments (0) : May 10th, 2009

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