Posts Tagged ‘intimacy’

Relationship Help – Don’t Lose True Love

Everyone wants true love.  Songs are written about it.  Movies are made about it.  The idea seems to be that there is a true love out there and until we find it we can’t live happily ever after.  You can get Marriage Guidance about this here.

And, when we find it, it’s great.  We feel totally loved and in love.  We are in bliss at times.  We love everything about them.  But, unfortunately, only for a while. 

After about six months or so we find that the feeling of true love begins to fade some.  We start to have little arguments and conflicts.  We notice we want a little space or we get hurt that our mate wants some space.  What happened to true love. Is it lost?

No, we haven’t lost true love.  It just changes, and it will change for all of us!  Psychologists have found that relationships occur in phases.  The first initial period of a relationship is called the “oceanic love” period.  This is when we are totally merged.  We love everything about them.  It is marvelous!

But all good things come to an end, and research says that after six months or thereabouts we begin to move into the me-us phase.  We start to separate some.  We want our own space or feel hurt by our mate wanting theirs.  We begin to have a few conflicts.  We feel the need to have our own friends or work on our own interests and goals some.  This is normal.  You can get Get Relationship Advice about this here.

Look.  If we didn’t start to separate from our partners, we’d become a dysfunctional mess.  We each have to continue to take our journey’s in life.  We have to move forward with our own goals and interests.  We can’t just stay in bed with our lovers and play.  Life beckons us onward.

So if you want to keep true love in your life, understand this:  Don’t give up on love because you move out of the oceanic love phase.  Love is bigger than that.  Physical attraction is just one part that will rise and fall.  True love means learning to love the whole person, the parts you think are good and the parts you don’t like so much.

To keep true love, you have to learn that conflict is okay.  It will happen.  True love includes some conflict between two healthy normal adults with their own lives and interests.  True love includes them needing their own space and not running when things get uncomfortable from time to time.  It includes working things out.  This is the only way you’ll ever get to keep it.  You can get more How To Get Relationship Intelligence here.

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Filed under Love : Comments (0) : May 21st, 2009

Getting Your Ex Back Using Emotional Logic

Ok, you’ve fought, argued, broken up, and now you want to get your ex back.  Is there any relationship advice that will work? Learning some more about these topics can help: study intimacy more deeply can help in lots of ways.

When breaking up, what happens for everyone is that our feelings of closeness and connection with our partner get replaced by emotions like anger or betrayal.  This is why we fight and break up.  It’s just what happens to couples the world over.

But after a short while you started to have feelings of regret and you began to miss those feelings of softness and closeness you had with your mate.  What is happening is that your hurt and bad feelings are changing.  This is an important thing to note about emotions.  Angry, hurt feelings aren’t set in stone.  Feelings change.

You understand this from your own life experiences.  You’ve been mad at somebody at work and after a day or two the anger diminishes.  You’ve been sad about something that happened to you and again, after just a day or two, it goes away.  This is important Emotional Logic to notice.  Feelings shift and are in flux for all of us.

Now that you’ve broken up and you want your ex back, you have experienced this first hand.  During the break up, you were mad or hurt.  Now, you notice feelings of longing and desire return.  You’d like to give your relationship another chance.  This may seem like Im stating the obvious, but there is a very important point here to notice about emotions.  They change.

But while feelings change, some emotions can get stuck.  The can last a lot longer, can’t they?  If, for example, you cheated on your ex, this can bring up feelings of betrayal and shame.  These are very difficult emotions to process, and you ex may still be very stuck with them.  They aren’t shifting or changing very much at all!

How then can you use Emotional Logic to help you to get back with your ex?  One simple important thing you can do is to help them to get their negative feelings released and resolved. Help them to “vent” these feelings and get them off their chest.  You did this by asking them in varioius ways how they feel about whatever you did that triggered the break up.  “How are you feeling about what happened?”  Then be silent and let them start to vent or spill their hurt feelings out.  Listening is an important step in or to Get Ex Back In Just Hours.

Don’t argue.  Don’t defend yourself.  That just creates more argument.  Instead, make them feel heard and understood.  Ten minutes of venting can really help their negative feelings get released.   Letting your ex vent all over you a time or two after a break up can help them to let go of anger and move back towards more kindly feelings towards you.

There is a lot more to this, but helping your ex to vent their negative feelings is an important step to getting them back in your life.  Emotions change, and you want to help your ex through the process of changing their bad feelings for you into more intimate ones.

You can get a free course here about the specific steps to get your ex back

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Filed under General : Comments (0) : May 10th, 2009

Having More Intimacy

Something that we all seem to want at core is intimacy.  That feeling of close connection with another or others.  It is a basic need that drives us to get into relationship or marriage.  Yet after we get into a relationship we find that intimacy can slip from our grasp and out of our love life.

For this and other good reasons, it is worthwhile to learn How To Have The Marriage You Want.

Over time, intimacy becomes something that often seems elusive and we struggle to try to get it or keep it.  Our intimacy needs can drive us to get a divorce, because if we aren’t feeling intimate with our mate, we know we have to search elsewhere for it. 

We all have intimacy needs.  These are hardwired into our systems.  Men and women have different approaches to getting their intimacy needs met.  You’ve heard the saying “Women give sex to get love, and men give love to get sex.”  This saying points to an underlying theme about sex in relationships.  

Men equate intimacy with sex.  One of the primary ways men go about getting their intimacy needs met is through sex.  When they feel the need to be close, they want sex.  After climax, they often retreat behind their walls until the intimacy need builds up and they want sex again.

While men are from mars, in this way, women are from venus.  They can enjoy intimacy and deep bonding from sex, and also from communication.  Women, in general, have more ways that they can experience and express intimacy.

You don’t have intimacy forever just because you felt it once with your mate.  You have to keep working on it.  Sex can’t be your only method for experiencing intimacy.  Familiarity and taking each other for granted can kill off intimacy.  Find out more about intimacy beyond sex.

A great way to have more intimacy is to talk to each other, but it is more in how you talk than what words you say.  If you listen to each other with real interest, and accept your mate and make them feel heard and understood, you will be more likely to experience it.

You can have more intimacy by practicing intimate communication.  This means to share yourself and listen from your heart, with interest in what your mate has to say and without judging them.  Making them feel heard and understood rather than taken for granted is a powerful way to promote more intimacy on a daily basis. Learn more about this in the free course How To Fix Relationship Problems.

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Filed under Love : Comments (0) : May 6th, 2009

3 Ways To Improve Your Relationship Today

You can really improve the quality of your relationship with a few simple practices.  Here are the top three tips you can put to use today to make your relationship even better.  More detailed information on all of this is available in a free relationship course 7 Vital Relationship Insights You Never Learned In School.

Top Secret Number One:  Play!  Actual relationship studies have shown that there is a decrease in fighting when there is an increase in playing.  So if you are fighting a lot, play more, and test this out for yourself.  Just a little bit of timea day of playing with your partner can begin to change the feel of your whole relationship.

So do you have a date night at least once a week where you both go spend time playing together like you did in the beginning?  Make the time to have fun with your mate!

Top Secret Number Two:  Get Better At Conflict.  Conflict will occur in any relationship.  Studies have shown that how partners deal with conflict determines the length and quality of the relationship.  During conflict we all tend to revert emotionally to 7 year olds, but screaming at your mate or expressing contempt are some of the big trouble signs for a partnership.

As you will be arguing with your love from time to time anyway, it is good to start now to take some time to learn how to deal with conflict in healthy ways.  One technique is to learn to attack less during a fight and use “I” statements rather than “you” statements to discuss how you feel.  You can get some free training on conflict and Emotional Intelligence here.

Top Secret Number Three is to Minimize the Mind Reading.  Your lover can’t read your mind.  They don’t actually just know what you want and need.  Realize this and help them out by asking for what you want.  If you need some time to yourself, ask.  If you need them to just listen instead of give you their advice, make a request for that as well.

By asking for what you need, you can prevent a lot of fights and sulking.You can also support your mate in making requests for what they need as well.  That’s being a good mate.

There is obviously a lot more to each of these three topics.  Books have been written on them.  But spending some time and effort on these three principles will pay off for your relationship over the long term.  If you’d like to learn more about Relationship Intelligence to transform your love life, you can fix relationship problems with a free course.

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Filed under General : Comments (0) : Apr 21st, 2009