Posts Tagged ‘How to Fix Your Marriage’

How to Improve Communication in a Marriage

Lack of communication is listed as one of the main causes for an unhappy marriage and even divorce. That’s really not unexpected. When you were a baby and weren’t able to communicate, what did you do? You cried and threw a tantrum until somebody figured out what your needs were. Now that you’re grown up that won’t work although it’s tried in some form by many spouses.

Good communication takes practice. Remember, you’re communicating even though you may not be talking.Your body language and expressions can speak a lot about what you like and dislike. Your facial emotions say a lot about you. Do you still smile at your spouse?
Some spouses are afraid to smile or be too nice for fear of being asked to do something they don’t want to do.

If that’s your attitude, maybe it’s time to talk. If you’re not happy with your relationship be honest about it and demand a solution. Solutions usually start at the bargaining table where both parties are willing to negotiate and come up with a solution both can live with.

Find a good and convenient time to communicate. If either of you has a pressing project that needs to be completed or an upcoming schedule, then agree to a more appropriate time. At least you’ve made the effort and the cards are on the table. Don’t trap your spouse in a situation where they must listen such as driving to visit the relatives. You may not be in a good mood when you arrive if this happens.

Be tactful in suggesting a talk is necessary. Don’t be demanding but suggest you’d like to visit a while about such and such as soon as they have time. This gives both of you time to summarize your thoughts. It’s not good to come to the table unready. Know what you’re unhappy with and how you’d suggest the problem be solved.

Once you’re talking, be a good listener. Listening is as important as talking. If your spouse is not as good at expressing as you then compensate.  Repeat what they’ve said by commenting something like “Here’s what I think you’re trying to say.” Don’t talk down to your spouse and make them feel inadequate.Both opinions are equally significant.

Don’t have distractions when talking like the radio or TV and certainly not when the kids are present. Bringing up a problem during dinner is not appropriate.  That would qualify as trapping your partner and problem ruin both your appetites. Your attention must be undivided and you must make eye contact. Allow enough time for a complete discussion.

Strive for a solution but if one is not reached, reschedule a time to continue.Do not give up. Remember there’s another world besides yours and you must exist in both.
Compromise is always a good choice. If you’re wrong, take responsibility and change. If no solution is evident, professional help may be needed.Communication will not solve all your difficulties but it’s a good startup.

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Filed under Communication : Comments (0) : May 21st, 2009

Friendship Is The Core Of Any Good Relationship Or Marriage

A good friendship is very precious.  A good marriage is something to cherish.Is it possible to associate the two and have the best of both worlds?Sometimes friendship comes before marriage but not always. 

You’ve probably had many friends of the opposite sex you would not consider marrying. And, you may have heard someone who’s married comment that the spouse is also a best friend. Did the friendship develop before, during or after the marriage? If your true friend has became your partner now then you are really fortunate.

A friend is someone you can be totally honest and comfortable with. You can spend hours together in talking and sharing your dreams and ideas. They can unintentionally hurt you or cause you discomfort and you have no trouble forgiving them. A good friend is there for you no matter what happens and you care for them regardless.

Friends usually have common interests. You find interesting things to do together and show enthusiasm and encouragement for the other’s victories. If they fail and experience defeat, you are there to help and support. You have mutual respect for each other even if one does something embarrassing. 

The more time you invest in a relationship the more stable and meaningful it becomes. Relationships gain strength when built on a steady incline. By pacing your relationship you gain insight into the character of your friend. You monitor how they react to good and bad events. 

As long as you remain friends, you can be comfortable with what the friend does even if it involves someone else. You’re not jealous of a friend but if you become romantically involved this will change and so will your demeanor. 

You’ll presumably become more demanding and obsessive. Sharing your friend with someone else is not something you’ll permit anymore. The playing field has changed and you hope your friend agrees with the modification in the rules.

No doubt friendships can build a firm foundation for marriage. However, friends often never advance into marriage because the emotional charge is absent. If there is no physical spark then there’s no desire to move further. Marriage has lost many a good friend and friends have lost many a good partner.

Physical attraction is not the only ingredient for a successful marriage relationship. No one can survive and be intimate 24 hours a day. You must explore ways to have more in marriage than sex. Developing a good friendship after marriage has often averted break ups. It’s sometimes easier for lovers to become friends than the other way around.

Friendship and marriage are both things to be desired and acquired. Be thankful if you can experience both in the same relationship. Work together to base your marriage on both and create ways to keep them fresh and alive. A foundation with both is unshakable.

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Filed under Marriage : Comments (0) : May 21st, 2009