Posts Tagged ‘divorce settlement’

Adjusting After Divorce

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Returning to a normal life after divorce can be difficult for anyone. If you were married for several years, or just a few months, the emotional trauma many feel after the papers are signed can affect other aspects of your life. But there are ways to overcome the emotional barriers you feel after going through a divorce, especially when children are involved. Whether you are trying to grow accustomed to having joint physical custody or live under a specific property settlement, you will no doubt experience a few drastic changes.

After divorce, it can be hard for anyone to think about beginning a romantic relationship. Ending a marriage can leave a person feeling somewhat vulnerable and inadequate. It can also be extremely difficult for you to suddenly switch from loving another person to feeling either hatred or indifference towards them. How an individual copes with life after divorce can also depend on what role the divorced person played in the situation. When you leave a spouse, you may feel a sense of control over the situation because the decision was yours. But when you are left by a spouse, feelings of desertion or betrayal can arise. To help overcome these emotions, it is suggested to take time for yourself and focus on things that make you happy. This may require you to think back to the marriage and see what your role was in the relationship. Did you feel like the marriage was missing something important? Did you often give more emotionally than you received from your spouse? By stepping back and taking time for yourself, you allow emotional wounds to heal before starting any future relationships. Finding out what makes you happy and what your emotional needs are will help you make better decisions about who you choose to date.

Other issues that arise after a divorce are the problems children can face when their parents are living in two different places. Child custody laws can make divorce proceedings difficult and lengthy for everyone involved. In the end, the children are left feeling pulled in two directions. Holidays are the most stressful thing children must adjust to after the custody litigation is resolved. A divorced parent can help their child by making a plan for the holidays and discussing where they will be spending them.

Explain that holiday traditions don’t have to change, but will only be different because both parents won’t be present. Listening to your child’s fears and frustrations about the custody and visitation settlement can help them adjust to living in two places. Many children miss the parent they are not visiting, so allow them to maintain contact during their stay. Helping your child adjust will vary depending on their age, but helping them maintain a sense of normalcy in a difficult situation will help make your relationship with your child stronger.

After divorce, property settlements can be a lengthy and frustrating process to finalize. This is especially true when a couple was married for an extensive period of time. Properties not only include the home you shared, but it can also include vehicles, the family pet and personal belongings. One of the most important things in a property division is finding out who gets the home. If you are keeping the property, be sure the deed is signed over in your name so you can take full responsibility for any payments left on the home. If your spouse gets the home, be sure they sign the deed and take full responsibility. Otherwise, you could be held accountable for payment of the mortgage if they fail to pay the lender.

Financial assets can be awarded to a spouse after divorce, but it can vary depending on your lawyers, the length of the marriage and what both parties originally brought into the marriage. Finally, in some instances, a divorced person can continue to stay on their ex-spouse’s health insurance plan for as long as three years. This is especially true in cases when children are involved and need to stay on one parent’s coverage. Insurance plans will again depend on your divorce settlement and what concessions are made during the proceedings.

Adjusting to life after divorce can seem difficult at first. But with time, the emotional wounds you feel will heal. Giving yourself a chance to cope with the changes you face in life will allow you to find out what is most important to you. Knowing this before you enter a new relationship can prevent you from having a string of meaningless romances. Discovering what is important to you will also help alleviate the problems children encounter when living with a divorced parent. And even if property settlements add extra strain to a difficult situation, coming to grips with your own emotions will improve your ability to think clearly.

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Filed under Divorce : Comments (0) : Jan 28th, 2009

Going Separate Ways When It’s Time To Play

There he goes again! He’s off to the baseball game with his friends while you stay at home alone. He didn’t even ask if you would like to go. Of course, you always seem to be making plans with your girlfriends that exclude men. If these descriptions sound like your situation and you’re married, the chances are you are having marital problems related to feeling neglect. You didn’t get married just so you could cook dinner! You got married because you were sure you both would be great friends with common interests and goals.

 

When one spouse sees another developing a completely separate life from the marriage, it can be difficult to handle. When you are first married you just couldn’t wait to do so many things together. In most cases you probably weren’t even interested in playing without your spouse while a newly wed. But relationships do change and people’s interests do vary, and life is full of responsibility. Taking care of these responsibilities can lead to husbands and wives going their separate ways when it is time to have some fun. Someone has to watch the children for example and someone has to finish the chores this weekend and so on.

Spouses may also go their separate ways when they feel as if they have grown apart. When there is constant arguing or disagreement in the marriage, you really don’t feel like spending any more time with you spouse than you need to. Who wants to play with someone they are not getting along with? Unfortunately, the more you go your separate ways the more likely you are to end up divorced. You wake up one morning and realize the relationship is in real trouble.

Easy Solutions to the Problem

It is really not difficult to deal with the problem of never doing anything together. It’s amazing how many couples begin to live separate lives and then wonder where the love went! Keeping a marriage strong and healthy means you have to act like an item and not two people just living under the same roof.

If you find you don’t want to spend time with your spouse when it’s time to play, then you should evaluate the problems in the marriage leading to these feelings. If there are unresolved anger issues then you should talk to your spouse and explore how to resolve them. Keeping the communication lines open in the marriage is crucial.

Of course, if you don’t spend play time together because of responsibilities, you need to approach the problem from a different angle. For example, if you have children it might not be possible to go out together. In that case you can find activities to do together at home or with the entire family.

There are many things you can do together that help to strengthen relationships and don’t require major life changes.

  • Set aside a time to go out on a date together at least once or twice a month
  • Pick an activity you can do frequently that doesn’t take much time such as walks around the block
  • Invite joint friends over to your house for a BBQ or to watch a sports event
  • Find at least one thing you can do together that interests you both such as going to a movie or the theatre
  • Be spontaneous when possible and invite your spouse to the local outdoor concert in the park or to attend the local festival

Controlling the Circumstances

The point is to begin to play together on a regular basis. Chances are your spouse doesn’t understand how you are feeling if you have never expressed your frustration at failing to do anything together. Many times people don’t intentionally ignore their spouse, but just get caught up in circumstances. For example, your friends call and want to play golf every Saturday and you’re too tired at the end of the day to take your wife out to dinner. She calls her friends and goes out to dinner without you.

Naturally if you are intentionally avoiding each other there are deeper issues to resolve. You can start by talking about your own feelings in a non-confrontational manner. By doing so there will be an opportunity to begin recognizing those similarities you once shared. If the marital problems are discouraging you from sharing play time then it is even more important that you set aside time to do some things together.

 

Because if you don’t make the effort it will end up in divorce


 

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Filed under Divorce : Comments (0) : Oct 20th, 2008