Posts Tagged ‘Divorce’

Divorce Should Be the Last Resort

Picture this scenario. A social gathering is available. A boy is introduced to a girl. A light conversation develops between them. They will talk for a certain amount of time and then go to their own houses after the party has ended. However, neither the boy or girl can get each other off their minds and they keep obsessing about their meeting.

The two run into each other quite by accident. Gradually they became good friends after their first date. Love slowly blossoms and the two decide to get married. As you know, these people have only seen the good side of each other, but they are sure they are meant to spend the rest of their lives together. Marriage between the two takes place with the blessings and wishes of elders and friends.

Presently, they are both ecstatic to have their privacy, as a couple. After a long, wonderful honeymoon, it’s time to go home again. Both of them have are working, have a small home and things could not have worked out better than this. They are very happy and when they look at couples that are divorced, they do not believe how bad things can end up when two people start out so much in love. As it stands now, divorce is an unfavorable word for them.

Life is full of fun, laughter and mirth and each one of them wants to please the other and there are no differences between the two and everything is hunky dory. One day, the wife returns home late from work, only to find that her husband is already home. He is upset that she is late and they have a small argument where she states that she did not say anything when he was late. Slowly but surely, the problems are solved and everthing is OK again. You find that this is just the start of it all.

As the days passed, the couple had more insinuations and more arguments over irrelevant matters Right now, the wife is pregnant and concerned about whether she will still have a career once the baby comes. The baby arrives and their world changes. As a mother’s world now focuses on caring for the little one, the father may appear to be avoiding accountability. There are more arguments everyday as the wife wants to get back to her work and a nanny is to be appointed for the baby.

As more differences between them become evident, neither of them are ready to be reasonable or accept blame. The career minded husband is not ready to share the household work and this added responsibility is difficult for the wife. Due to the parents’ lack of attention, the baby is suffering. Love seems to have flown out of the window and the couple is growing less tolerant towards each other. The only thing they would like now is a divorce and they will not consider any alternatives. Friends and well wishers try to intervene and resolve the misunderstanding but all in vain. The arising problem will be ego, an ugly reality that’s sure to interfere.

Was this all necessary? Could nothing else have worked? They would have been able to, but only if they had managed to see reason and thought with a cool head. A child is the wonderful thing that happens when two people are in love, the child should not ever have to suffer. All marriages can be saved as long as there has not been any violence or infidelity. Couples must try to ease the differences between each other, rather to look for a divorce. When all other resources have been used then and only then should divorce be brought into the conversation.

If divorce is a subject you’re interested in, you can read more about my practice as an good divorce attorney in Austin Texas. You can also take a look at our online workshop about divorce in Austin TX at www.AustinDivorceHelp.com. Today it’s even more important to find a way to divorce without breaking the bank. Read the details about the flat fee Austin Texas divorce.

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Filed under Marriage : Comments (0) : Sep 20th, 2009

Your Family Can Make It Through Divorce

Many of us have heard that the divorce rate in America today is near 40%. Many theories exist as to the cause of this high rate, but there is no clear cut answer. Although it may seem like there are few options, there are. It’s not always easy, but there are steps you can take to make your marriage the best it can be, or at the very least have an amicable divorce.

If you are still in the beginnings of a relationship, take your time to really get to know the person. People often get married while they are just starting to enjoy their relationship, and can be a mistake. The true test of your love is how you communicate and function when one member of the couple never does the dishes or another member leaves their clothes strewn about the room. More importantly is how you function as a couple when faced with big decisions such as, career advancement, going back to school or moving.

Prenuptial agreements are always advised when you do decide to get married, even if it seems like you have “nothing” to lose. Prenups can be a great tool, although celebrity divorces that have played out in the media somethimes impart them with a negative connotation. If you are cautious of your future course of action before you get into a marital relationship, it can actually prevent you from being shattered after your split. Attempt to maintain a level head when making your contract of what looks fair for you both. If you are worried about the what if’s, put them in the agreement. If you concerned about spousal infidelity, you can address that in the agreement. The emotional roller coaster of splitting up will be less severe, if the day ever comes where you need to go your separate ways. There will be no possessions or issues to fight about, and you can both focus your energies on accepting the split, healing, and moving on.

Couples counseling can be very effective, even though it has some negative connotations attached to it. Even couples that have the best communication have their persistent issues. Sometimes, employing the services of an unbiased third party is a good way to strengthen the bond between the two of you. If you do not want to undergo the trauma of parting later in lives, you should go for a couples therapy prior to your marriage and make sure that the relationship is going to be strong enough to face any and every problem.

You must always make it clear to your children, if you have any, the nature of your relationship with them and also with one another. On a different note, if your marriage feels secure, fair, and strong, let your partner know! If your relationship is failing, you are not in love anymore, or you want to split for other reasons, tell them gently. Go to family counseling as well as offering for them to go so solo counseling to work through their feelings. You should try formulating a plan in coordination and then see how a parting can impact each one of them keeping in mind the people they will stay with or the manner in which they will make things work out You will certainly create tensions in the family and hurt your children deeply hurt, if you tell them all of a sudden, without any warning, that you are ending your marriage.

If divorce is a subject you’re interested in, you can learn more about my practice as an top family law lawyer in Austin. You may also want to watch our workshop on divorce in Austin TX at www.AustinDivorceHelp.com. Learn how a collaborative divorce attorney in Austin Texas can help you through family disputes with dignity.

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Filed under Marriage : Comments (0) : Sep 15th, 2009

Surviving Infidelity And Restoring Marriage

Many men are fond of looking at other women and thus surviving infidelity is a typical ordeal of most married women. How must you handle your husband’s disloyalty?

Women usually pity themselves for having been cheated on simply because they were not enough for their husbands. Rationally speaking, men will not look for other women if they are satisfied with their partners and at the rate that their married lives are going.

You don’t have the accountability for what your husband is doing. You should not think that your actions caused the other’s dishonesty. Rather, infidelity is a choice of the party who has offended the other. You are the wife but it was your husband who committed the mistake. It was not you who decided to have the affair.

Surviving infidelity is not that easy. It excruciating pain to the offended party. Should you consider working things out?

Determine your grounds on your marriage. It helps a lot to think of the happy thoughts, convenience, and good points that your marriage has. If you concentrate on the traumatizing part, you will surely find it hard to live with your husband. Couples go through these tests so you have to be brave.

The memories of the past are hard to forget. And it is true that your heart may forgive but it may not forget. The past will often show itself. You will continue to doubt your husband. You must be open-minded, more understanding, and be able to move on to survive what your husband has done.

Although your husband had breached the trust in your marriage, surviving infidelity is all about the process that both of you should go through to nurture your love for each other and grow stronger together.

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Filed under Affairs : Comments (0) : Sep 13th, 2009

Get Ex Back After They Cheated

Cheating and infidelity are a big relationship killer.  If it happens to you, that your mate cheated on you, this is a big problem.    The trust and faith that is essential to intimacy has been broken.  You feel betrayed and hurt.  Maybe you already kicked out your mate.  This is only to be expected.  You can get more intimacy help here.

After infidelity, should you try to fix your relationship?  If kids are involved, working it out can be a kindness.  Also, if you have put a lot of work into your partnership, it is worth not tossing it away without some salvage work.

If you want to get your ex back after they cheated on you, there is good news.  You can, with some careful work, not only get them back but hopefully make the relationship even stronger. 

The very first thing you want to do is work on the broken trust between you.  You will need to repair it.  Trust can be restored, beginning in just days, if you use some emotional logic to help you.

This article can’t go into all the details, but you should know that the key to restoring trust after infidelity lies in taking a few powerful steps.  One of those steps is to vent to your ex, to get the hateful and hurt feelings off your chest.  This is an important and powerful process.  You ask your ex to not argue, and not defend themselves, and to just listen.  Then you talk about how what they did made you feel. You can learn more about how to get your ex back here.

This is an important step to repairing the damage from the betrayal.  You have to let your ex know how it made you feel in a way that is safe and respected.  You can get coaching on how to do it, but doing it will help you.

Also, you should consider using a relationship therapist.  You can go with your mate or by yourself.  They are highly trained to help repair broken trust.  Use their knowledge and help!

The value here is that if you got cheated on, there are ways to repair the damage and save your relationship.  You can get back to the love.  It will not be easy, but the end result can be worth the effort.  You can get a complete system for Get Your Ex Back In Hours here.

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Filed under Affairs : Comments (0) : Sep 8th, 2009

Ask Your Mate To Go To A Marriage Counselor

Relationship counseling is often a last resort for couples on the brink of the divorce.But some couples try relationship counseling early, when the first problems arise. Relationship Counseling is something that a couple shouldn’t be afraid to try, even if the problems seem minor.Catching small problems early with counseling can prevent even bigger problems in the future.  Early counseling can even do something to prevent a future divorce.

Todays couples are more apt to try to new things, which makes relationship counseling a good option.Couples married years ago are less likely to go for counseling, perhaps because it wasn’t something you talked about when they were younger. Very often marriages of 20 or 30 years now end in divorce, which is a shame because they’ll never know if relationship counseling could have helped save the marriage.

If you feel like you need relationship counseling, be sure to ask your partner to go to counseling with you in a non-judgmental way.If you ask your partner to go to counseling in a way that seems like you are accusing them of being the problem and needing counseling, you’re likely to encounter resistance to the idea.  Try to make it clear that you want the counseling for yourself if nothing else.

If you ask your partner to go to counseling because you have some issues you need to work on, they’re more likely to view the idea favorably.Explain that you think you need some help to be able to contribute more to the relationship, and to learn how to be a better partner.  Don’t accuse the other person of need counseling.Even if you believe that they are the problem, don’t say it to them.Once you’re both in relationship counseling, you will learn tips and techniques for being better within the relationship, just as your partner will.

Don’t be afraid to suggest marriage counseling, whether you’ve been in the relationship for 6 months, 5 years or 3 decades.  It’s never too late to try counseling to resolve problems.  And it’s never too late to try to keep small problems from becoming big ones. If the relationship is relatively new, you might think that you’re admitting to problems and admitting that the relationship is rocky by suggesting counseling.But that’s not the truth.But by facing any obstacles now, you’re making your relationship stronger in the long run.

If your partner believes that your suggestion of relationship counseling means that the relationship isn’t perfect, and maybe even is doomed, calmly explain that that isn’t true.And because you’re willing to admit that everything is perfect shows that you’re willing to make necessary changes to keep you and your partner happy.

If your partner refuses, go on your own.  While the counseling would work best if both of you go, you can go and work on things to improve yourself. If your partner sees you going to relationship counseling, they’re more likely to give it a try.

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Filed under Divorce : Comments (0) : May 6th, 2009

Helpful Tips To Stop Your Divorce

If you are going through that terrible time when love is coming to an end and you find yourself saying, “Please stop my divorce“! you aren’t alone. There are many who have gone through it and saved their marriage and plenty who didn’t but found themselves happy again afterward. There are things that you can do to help stop a divorce or correct problems before they get to that point.

First realize, though, that as much as you may want to save your relationship you may not be able to. Make sure that you prepare yourself mentally for any possible outcome. This isn’t thinking pessimistically, it is being realistic which is what you need to be.

Seek out marriage counselors or make use of family therapy. They have been well trained and have lots of experience helping people go through these times. Even if someone has cheated on their spouse, they can still help. Many marriages have been saved because of counseling and therapy. They are accustomed to dealing with infidelity between spouses, depression, or any other things that stress a relationship to the point of divorce. Marriage counseling doesn’t have to be expensive, there are plenty of good choices for you to use to get good relationship advice before you see a divorce lawyer.

One thing that you should learn not to do that will help stop your divorce is don’t argue. Fighting will only make things worse. You can call it reasoning or whatever but the truth is you are trying to force them to feel differently than they do. If you are serious and you want to “stop your divorce” then realize that your battle is against your separation, not your spouse. The more you argue with them and try to point out where they are wrong the more they will be wrong in your mind.

Don’t try to defend yourself. You may be right, but don’t try to convince them of that. Find the truth in their argument and agree with that part of it. The more you can agree with the things they say, the more they will be right. This will make them see what you want them to do, see your side of the story. If you are honest and accept what they say then they will more likely be open to listening to your side of the story. Family therapy is great to help you understand how to communicate better if you really want to “stop your divorce”.”

This is only one part of the things that you can do to help when you are wanting someone to help you “stop my divorce“. Stop talking about it and start doing something about it. Your marriage will only have a chance to survive if you are willing to act.

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Filed under Divorce : Comments (0) : Apr 21st, 2009

What effect does divorce have on children?

Approximately 1 out of every 10 kids in households today go through some kind of psychological problem justifying a therapist or psychologist. If the child’s parents have divorced, the percentage rockets to 3 or 4 out of every 10.

A divorce can have traumatic psychological effects on a kid. Unfortunately, a lot of parents fail to realize this. This is partially due to the fact that they may be experiencing anger and hurt themselves and are unable to empathize with their children’s feelings. But often it is simply that the parents don’t realize just how much their kid is being affected by the divorce.

One of the best divorce secrets for men is to find one of the many divorce education programs sprouting up all across the U.S. Currently the number of these programs stands at over a thousand. Some of the programs are available on line as well.

Typically these programs focus on the following main issues:

1) Working to eliminate or reduce parental fighting in front of the children – When a kid sees his mother and father constantly fighting, it causes feelings of stress and anxiety in them. But, even more important, you are teaching them how to act in relationships. Kids are like sponges, they absorb and assimilate the things that they see, especially from their parents. By arguing and battling front of your kids you are telling and showing them that this is the way that adults resolve their differences. A divorce education program can show you a better way of taking care of conflicts.

2) Don’t use the kids as bargaining chips – Your kids are not pawns to be used in disagreements with your spouse to win arguments or to get your way. It’s easy to forget this, especially if you have self esteem issues yourself. Whether the issue is child support, parental custody, visiting privileges, or whatever – don’t treat your kids like chess pieces. Unless you wish them to grow up with huge emotional and psychological issues.

3) Don’t wall off the child from either parent – Many times one parent will try to prevent the other parent from seeing or interacting with the kids. It may be a misguided attempt to “punish” the other parent, it may simply be mean spiritedness, or it may be one parent afraid to give up control. Unless there is some underlying issue why one parent shouldn’t see the child, such as past child abuse, this does no good for the kid at all. To have the best chance of growing up well adjusted, kids need a sound relationship with both of their parents.

4) Remembering that the child’s welfare come’s first – Getting a divorce is difficult, we know. But it’s not all about the parents. It’s about everyone in the family relationship – parents and kids alike. Keeping this simple fact in mind will not only make the transition easier for the kids, it often improves the relationship between the divorcing parents as well. Keeping the welfare of your kids at the forefront of your mind, makes the whole divorce and after divorce more civil.

For those that are greatly concerned with their child’s welfare and would like to do all they can to protect them once the divorce has gone through, think about joining a divorce education programs. A divorce education program can do all of that and more.

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Filed under Divorce : Comments (0) : Feb 20th, 2009

Economy Forcing More Married Couples To Stay Together

For years the government and family counselors have been working to get the devorse rate down in the U.S. Now, the economy seems to be having success in doing what they couldn’t – keeping families together. More and more dissatisfied married couples find themselves staying together today because of the uncertain economic times ahead. Particularly in two income families where the spouses know that neither of them could survive on just one salary. In other words, until the economy improves, for many people, it’s just too expensive to get a divorce.

In many towns and cities, the divorce rates support this theory. For instance, in Lucas County, Ohio the divorce rate has been steadily trending downwards, along with the economy, since 2003. The number of divorce filings decreased from 2,047 to 1,839 over a five year span. Local divorce filings in Fairfield, Connecticut, according to a prominent divorce attorney, has gone down 40% in the past year alone.

This state of affairs is being replicated in towns across the United States. Even people with assets are affected. The housing bubble implosion saw the home values of many homeowners go down by as much as half or more. No one wants to file for divorce when their assets have declined that much. Better to ride it out until the economy recovers and both parties end up with more money.

It’s not really a surprise that the number of divorce filings have gone down. If you look back through history, you’ll see that tight economic periods are synonymous with a low percentage of divorce. When a couple divorces, suddenly you’re talking about supporting two separate households with no increase in monthly income. In addition, you’re going to have court fees, moving fees, possible child support and alimony payments, and last but not least, attorney fees.

As a result, some couples have made the decision that rather than seek a divorce, to try one more time to try to work out differences. Some couples actually manage to make it work. They are able to take advantage of the situation and re-connect with the qualities in the person that they were originally attracted to. Others, however, are simply remaining in a holding pattern waiting for the first chance to escape.

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Filed under Divorce : Comments (0) : Feb 5th, 2009

How can you save amarriage in trouble?

To fix any trouble in a marriage you need to understand the problem and then work to control the situation.
It might be embarrassing for a couple in both their personal and social status to take a harsh decision.

It doesn’t matter whether you are man or woman, whether you look after the kids or pay the bills, you should take initiative to resolve the problems in married life and maintain the relationships.
This article provides information about some tips to save a marriage and to maintain a healthy relationship.

Desperation and tension are two things to avoid showing if your marriage is in danger.
Your spouse may push you away as it may make him/her feel suffocated
Always try to control your emotions and keep calm.
Many times people starting thinking how to stop a breakup when in fact they should have started asking how to improve their relationship in first place.
Never bed for the return for your partner that is a very important thing to remember.
If you show him/her just how deep your passion goes for them, they will come back to you.
One of the important tips to save marriage is to give the space to your partner.
A little space may make the things much easier to deal with.
Leave yourself the time to indulge in activities that empower you and increase your self-esteem.
Spend some time with your friends and family.
Do such things that increase your self-esteem.

It’s worth putting in the effort to find some common ground, where each partners can agree on things and feel satisfied.
Focus on the fact that the ideal of any union in marriage is to assist and support each other through the whole gamut of emotions.
The important bridge that may keep the couple attached together in a married life is love.
Show your passion to your partner in a new way everyday.
To form a closer connection to your partner you can play romantic games or send a romantic message to them.

An important part of rescuing any partnership is that the two partners understand each other as well as they can.
Only when you have managed this will you be about to solve problems in your marriage without conflicts
Your partner should be the first priority for you and you should know about the hobbies and interests of your partner.
There are many ways to be romantic. Writing a poem, preparing a meal or a thoughtful gift.

Unimportant things don’t matter, if it is a small issue to complain about it.
You need to speak openly about any issues which are disturbing your peace of mind.
Have open discussions about it with your partner.
Get ready for facing the challenges.

Jealousy may lead many couples to the divorce court.
So, never be jealous about your partner’s professional and personal growth.
A strong belief in your partner and honesty are very important things.

If your partner is aggressive, you should be calm and keep your emotions in control.
Be reasonable, rational and calm.
Whenever you lose your temper during the arguments, you generally tend to say and do the things that you actually didn’t mean.

If your marriage is going bad, these tips to save marriage might be useful to bring it back to its previous loving partnership.
Consider these tips before you start thinking about marriage counseling which would get a third person involved in your relationship..

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Filed under Marriage : Comments (0) : Dec 4th, 2008

Divorce Mediation Process: The Least Adversarial Approach to Concluding a Marriage

During divorce you will want to avoid court as much as possible. It is expensive! Instead, you and your ex want to agree ahead of time how all assets will be divided, and what will happen to any affected children. Then their lawyers draft all required paperwork, and the separation/divorce is made final.

The problems begin when the couple cannot agree on the process, or the splitting of assets. The divorce mediation process is the way to go in this case. If the couple can agree on a specific mediator, then this is the best and most economical route.

A divorce mediator is a nonaligned person or organisation which is professionally trained to assist separating couples to work out the unavoidable quarrels taking place in the course of the divorce mediation process. The most important duty of the divorce mediator is to create a realistic and practical separation arrangement.

5 Basic Reasons Why Divorce Mediation Is Better

(1) usually faster and cheaper than lawyers/courts
(2) more personal, as the couple shape the final agreement
(3) makes for a “friendlier” divorce (good if young children are involved)
(4) more flexible than court ordered agreements
(5) more confidential than court ordered agreements

The Process of Divorce Mediation

The mediator will probably work you through a number of draft agreements, until the final draft thus generated is agreed upon by both aggrieved parties in the divorce process. The divorce mediator will develop a closing document fit to be signed and sealed by both persons.

This divorce mediation process does not mean you can skip your lawyer. You will still need them to conduct a review of the concluded divorce agreement. 

Finding a Mediator

Here is a short list of some ways of finding a mediator.

(1) yellow pages
(2) circle of friends
(3) your lawyers
(4) search the Internet

Separation and divorce are negative processes, and the court system can sometimes make it more negative than it needs to be. Our hope is that you and your ex can agree on a mediator, as it can be a much calmer and sane way to go through the process.

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Filed under Divorce : Comments (0) : Oct 25th, 2008

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