Posts Tagged ‘counseling for couples’
How Can Pre Marriage Counseling Help You
Pre marriage counseling really does pay off, according to a four state survey of over 3,000 homes published by Scott Stanley in the Journal of Family Psychology (March, 2006). The survey found that couples who met with marriage family counselors were, on average, 31% less likely to divorce than couples who did not attend counseling. They were also more likely to report higher marital satisfaction, lower marital conflict and greater levels of commitment.
The question of when to seek marriage counseling before the big day may be dicey. It’s sort of like a prenuptial, which some people may find offensive or as admonishing the fact that “Hey things may not work out as planned!” As the practice of counseling for couples becomes more widespread, this becomes less an issue, though. To help guide you, the California Association for Marriage Family Therapists came up with several criterion. If you’re young and have never married, then go! If one partner is “commitment-o-phobic,” then go! If there are unresolved issues regarding money, parenting, household responsibilities, work or sex, then go! If one or more partners have had a previously failed marriage, go! If you feel you’d like added conflict resolution skills, go! Lastly, if there has been a history of childhood or domestic abuse, go! Sometimes these seemingly minor obstacles can become full-blown catastrophes later, so it’s important that they’re addressed early and professionally.
Research shows that money is the #1 thing new couples argue over, which can be addressed through pre marriage counseling. Marriage therapists say the major underlying source of financial conflict is lack of communication. Prior to getting married, you should identify your spending habits. Are you a “big spender” or a “big saver?” Sometimes, there is a communication breakdown as each side tries to win the power struggle. Additionally, there could be “The Done Deal” type who makes financial decisions like opening new credit cards or investing in a rental property without telling his/her spouse until it’s too late. Some people are also vulnerable to “keeping up with the Joneses,” buying out-of-budget cars, boats and gadgets, which drives more practical spouses up the wall. Holidays are another time when communication about spending tends to breakdown. Lastly, forgetting to tell a spouse about past debts can escalate into arguments galore.
Many pre marriage counseling sessions are more like educational courses, rather than therapy. The counselors are there to teach you ways to comfort your crabby partner after he or she has had “the worst day ever.” They’ll show you how to communicate your needs and wants without nagging, complaining or accusing. They’ll teach you how to overcome marriage-killer behavioral patterns like stone-walling, criticizing, defensiveness and contemptuousness. Before you say “I Do,” you can learn your personal conflict styles and recognize the relationship’s strengths and possible weaknesses, which will create better understanding in the long run.
Tags: christian marriage counseling, counseling for couples, family marriage counselor, licensed professional counselors, pre marriage counseling
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May 6th, 2009
Marriage Counselor Can Solve Your Relationships Hurdles
No one wants to admit they need help. The natural human aversion to failure is often so strong that many resist even admitting that the marriage isn’t going as they envisioned it. They endure bitterly silent breakfasts and stay at the pub an hour later just to avoid facing the facts and hoping that things will get better on their own. Or even worse, they will beat themselves up, saying, “I probably deserve this treatment.” Before the morale of your household degenerates further, consider visiting a marriage counselor as a guide through the emotional minefields.
You should endeavor to find a marriage counselor to help you avoid painful emotional outbursts. If you or your spouse spends any amount of time shouting at each other, crying or getting stuck in a constant cycle of derision and nagging, then counseling for marriage can help. Secondly, certified counselors provide added motivation to complete your plan to regain that romantic love again. Sometimes another person’s faith that your efforts will be successful is all you need to believe it yourself. While these may seem like things you might be able to do on your own, the third reason to seek counseling is to gain access to knowledge and strategies to help you achieve your goals. Over the years there have been many studies into human behavior, which can help us recognize our patterns of behavior and remedy the underlying causes of our feelings.
Exercise care when choosing a marriage counselor. Not all marriage therapists are licensed, certified, or specializes in couples counseling for marriage. Most states mandate that licensed therapists have a master’s or doctoral degree, graduated marriage training and have gained credentials from the Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, so ask about these things when calling around. You may be able to get recommendations from your health insurer, your physician, local clergy or friends. Before attending a session, you’ll want to find out the cost and what’s covered by health insurance, as well as the duration and frequency of the sessions. Find out how many sessions you’re expected to attend and what happens if you need to cancel or reschedule.
The outcome of visiting a marriage counselor depends very much upon your chemistry with the counselor, as well as your firm resolve to improve. Sometimes your partner may refuse to come with you. In that case, you may still benefit from learning more about your relationship, your feelings and your reactionary pattern of behavior. Sometimes it just takes one person to break the cycle of negativity in your home. Regardless of whose fault the initial controversies were, it often only takes one committed person to end the cycle of drama. Counseling for couples can cost anywhere from $45-$200 per hour, with an average cost of $100; however, when compared to the $1,500-$30,000 for a divorce, it’s chump change for years of bliss and better understanding.
Tags: certified counselors, counseling for couples, counseling for marriage, find a marriage counselor, marriage counselor, marriage family counselors, marriage therapy
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May 6th, 2009
Catholic Marriage Counseling Can Help Improve Your Relationships
You can benefit from Catholic marriage counseling, whether you’re Catholic or not. Christian counselors are not aiming to convert the non-believers, but rather, they’re trying to defend the sanctity of marriage and strengthen the family environment. After all, strong, loving family units are mankind’s best defense against evil. Rather than pay $100-$200 per session with a licensed marriage therapy professional, why not see what God can do first?
One form of Catholic counseling happens before you even get married. Pre-marriage counseling is generally part of any Christian ceremony. Counseling for couples may be done in sessions, as a weekend retreat or as a group seminar. As with any other marital counseling, you’ll learn about conflict management, identifying wants or needs and strengthening communication skills. Often this opportunity is partially covered by insurance, with a small fee based on an income-sensitive sliding scale. The idea is that pitfalls can be prevented with a little bit of skill building and knowledge prior to tying the knot.
Marriage rebuilding is another type of Catholic marriage counseling that has gained popularity over the years. There are many reasons why couples fight, but one of the main reasons is money. Catholic charities may be able to assist a couple in acquiring food or getting help with their heating bills for a few months until they can get back on track with their finances. They can also preside over an open dialogue about spending habits, as well as short and long term goals. Other times couples may fight over child rearing, in which case pastoral counselors can remind us to return to God and raise our children with love and firm resolve.
There are pros and cons to choosing Catholic marriage counseling. On the plus side, you’ll be saving money, strengthening your marriage and learning to incorporate more spirituality into your life. On the downside, you’re often not being counseled by someone who has formal training in conflict management, communication, psychology or marital issues. The group seminars may not provide the type of personalized analysis you would like, so if you feel you’re in need of some solid solutions, then perhaps marriage therapists would be more your speed.
Tags: catholic marriage counseling, counseling for couples, counseling for marriage, licensed professional counselors, marriage family counselors
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Mar 22nd, 2009