Archive for the ‘Divorce’ Category

How I Divorced and Managed to Survive with my family’s help

I believed I was happy.

I was young and didn’t understand marriage. I thought about why he was with me.

Though, after a while many things came to light, the way he was using me, the lies, and lastly his cheating. It was our second year as a married couple.

Finally, in the second year I told him one day not to come home from work, I would leave the apartment giving him two weeks to move out, that is when the beginning of the end of the relationship.

Our divorce would be easy since there were no assets or children, but the emotions were difficult. All was needed was for him to take his things and leave.

Overall the actual separation would go well materialistically. Emotionally however, it will change me forever.

It was first real relationship. I had never felt closer to anyone in my life, and now I was throwing him out of my life.
It was a tough decision to make.

That’s when the desperate calls and visitations to my parent’s house started.

I couldn’t fight it, my family had to lock me in the house and take the phone away because I would go into a panic that I was throwing out the only good thing in my life. He had affected my self esteem to such an extent that I couldn’t imagine anyone ever loving me.

Finally, after lots of arguing, after many nights fighting with myself not to go through with it, we set the divorce date. Once the papers were signed, difficulties continued. Everything seemed like a dream. My brother forced me out of the house to go out with him, and I would sit and look aimlessly in one direction.

With my family’s help to keep my chin up and my brother constantly taking me out of the everyday life I was living I started to see some light.

Then I met my current boyfriend. It was the scariest experience ever. He was the total opposite of my ex. It was impossible to imagine being with anyone else.

At the time he understood what I had gone through and spoke with me about problems, feeling, and solutions.

With my family’s aid to show me he wasn’t the only person in the world to love me, and with the understanding of my current boyfriend I overcame the divorce, and gained trust back in men.

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Filed under Divorce : Comments (0) : Aug 1st, 2010

Get Your Wife Back – Uncover A Few Tricks To Help You Get Your Wife Back

Can I get my wife back? I bet you think of nothing much else? It was exactly the same for me when my partner left. There is a chance you can reverse this situation though.

What should I be doing?

Take a time out. Away from your wife totally. Being totally apart will help, trust me. You can use the time to get control of your emotions.

Take the time away from your wife to plan your next step. Will you just hope & pray your wife walks back through the door? Or will you take the steps needed to make your wife want to walk back through the door?

There’s another way the time apart benefits you. No contact means your wife will notice you aren’t around. If your wife realises you aren’t around, she must have been thinking about you right? Which has to be good.

What should I not be doing?

Do I really need to spell it out? Harassing your wife won’t help. Calling, texting, following or god forbid, stalking your ex is a big no no.

Drinking heavily will not help and could lead to further depression. As will any form of drugs. You can ruin any chance you may have with stupid tactics like the above. Not to mention you risk trouble with the law.

At this moment you need to halt any further chance of losing your wife for good. Why bother making plans only to ruin them with stupid (possibly dangerous) behaviour. You could easily see your plans in tatters.

The system to get your wife back.

The method already exists, it’s out there waiting. As much as you hurt right now, you’re not the first to suffer a breakup. Far from it and you won’t be the last.

People who have broken up in the past and have gotten back together have recorded their tips and tricks. And using these is how you can get your wife back. You follow their blueprint to the letter and bingo!

So, will you sit back and pray that your wife comes back? I really doubt that’s going to happen, do you? Or will you do something about it for a change and actually go out and get your wife back?

All the information you need is at this website. There’s a review of the best of the systems to get your wife back…

Click this link to ” get my wife back “

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Filed under Divorce : Comments (0) : Nov 7th, 2009

Ask Your Mate To Go To A Marriage Counselor

Relationship counseling is often a last resort for couples on the brink of the divorce.But some couples try relationship counseling early, when the first problems arise. Relationship Counseling is something that a couple shouldn’t be afraid to try, even if the problems seem minor.Catching small problems early with counseling can prevent even bigger problems in the future.  Early counseling can even do something to prevent a future divorce.

Todays couples are more apt to try to new things, which makes relationship counseling a good option.Couples married years ago are less likely to go for counseling, perhaps because it wasn’t something you talked about when they were younger. Very often marriages of 20 or 30 years now end in divorce, which is a shame because they’ll never know if relationship counseling could have helped save the marriage.

If you feel like you need relationship counseling, be sure to ask your partner to go to counseling with you in a non-judgmental way.If you ask your partner to go to counseling in a way that seems like you are accusing them of being the problem and needing counseling, you’re likely to encounter resistance to the idea.  Try to make it clear that you want the counseling for yourself if nothing else.

If you ask your partner to go to counseling because you have some issues you need to work on, they’re more likely to view the idea favorably.Explain that you think you need some help to be able to contribute more to the relationship, and to learn how to be a better partner.  Don’t accuse the other person of need counseling.Even if you believe that they are the problem, don’t say it to them.Once you’re both in relationship counseling, you will learn tips and techniques for being better within the relationship, just as your partner will.

Don’t be afraid to suggest marriage counseling, whether you’ve been in the relationship for 6 months, 5 years or 3 decades.  It’s never too late to try counseling to resolve problems.  And it’s never too late to try to keep small problems from becoming big ones. If the relationship is relatively new, you might think that you’re admitting to problems and admitting that the relationship is rocky by suggesting counseling.But that’s not the truth.But by facing any obstacles now, you’re making your relationship stronger in the long run.

If your partner believes that your suggestion of relationship counseling means that the relationship isn’t perfect, and maybe even is doomed, calmly explain that that isn’t true.And because you’re willing to admit that everything is perfect shows that you’re willing to make necessary changes to keep you and your partner happy.

If your partner refuses, go on your own.  While the counseling would work best if both of you go, you can go and work on things to improve yourself. If your partner sees you going to relationship counseling, they’re more likely to give it a try.

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Filed under Divorce : Comments (0) : May 6th, 2009

Helpful Tips To Stop Your Divorce

If you are going through that terrible time when love is coming to an end and you find yourself saying, “Please stop my divorce“! you aren’t alone. There are many who have gone through it and saved their marriage and plenty who didn’t but found themselves happy again afterward. There are things that you can do to help stop a divorce or correct problems before they get to that point.

First realize, though, that as much as you may want to save your relationship you may not be able to. Make sure that you prepare yourself mentally for any possible outcome. This isn’t thinking pessimistically, it is being realistic which is what you need to be.

Seek out marriage counselors or make use of family therapy. They have been well trained and have lots of experience helping people go through these times. Even if someone has cheated on their spouse, they can still help. Many marriages have been saved because of counseling and therapy. They are accustomed to dealing with infidelity between spouses, depression, or any other things that stress a relationship to the point of divorce. Marriage counseling doesn’t have to be expensive, there are plenty of good choices for you to use to get good relationship advice before you see a divorce lawyer.

One thing that you should learn not to do that will help stop your divorce is don’t argue. Fighting will only make things worse. You can call it reasoning or whatever but the truth is you are trying to force them to feel differently than they do. If you are serious and you want to “stop your divorce” then realize that your battle is against your separation, not your spouse. The more you argue with them and try to point out where they are wrong the more they will be wrong in your mind.

Don’t try to defend yourself. You may be right, but don’t try to convince them of that. Find the truth in their argument and agree with that part of it. The more you can agree with the things they say, the more they will be right. This will make them see what you want them to do, see your side of the story. If you are honest and accept what they say then they will more likely be open to listening to your side of the story. Family therapy is great to help you understand how to communicate better if you really want to “stop your divorce”.”

This is only one part of the things that you can do to help when you are wanting someone to help you “stop my divorce“. Stop talking about it and start doing something about it. Your marriage will only have a chance to survive if you are willing to act.

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Filed under Divorce : Comments (0) : Apr 21st, 2009

What effect does divorce have on children?

Approximately 1 out of every 10 kids in households today go through some kind of psychological problem justifying a therapist or psychologist. If the child’s parents have divorced, the percentage rockets to 3 or 4 out of every 10.

A divorce can have traumatic psychological effects on a kid. Unfortunately, a lot of parents fail to realize this. This is partially due to the fact that they may be experiencing anger and hurt themselves and are unable to empathize with their children’s feelings. But often it is simply that the parents don’t realize just how much their kid is being affected by the divorce.

One of the best divorce secrets for men is to find one of the many divorce education programs sprouting up all across the U.S. Currently the number of these programs stands at over a thousand. Some of the programs are available on line as well.

Typically these programs focus on the following main issues:

1) Working to eliminate or reduce parental fighting in front of the children – When a kid sees his mother and father constantly fighting, it causes feelings of stress and anxiety in them. But, even more important, you are teaching them how to act in relationships. Kids are like sponges, they absorb and assimilate the things that they see, especially from their parents. By arguing and battling front of your kids you are telling and showing them that this is the way that adults resolve their differences. A divorce education program can show you a better way of taking care of conflicts.

2) Don’t use the kids as bargaining chips – Your kids are not pawns to be used in disagreements with your spouse to win arguments or to get your way. It’s easy to forget this, especially if you have self esteem issues yourself. Whether the issue is child support, parental custody, visiting privileges, or whatever – don’t treat your kids like chess pieces. Unless you wish them to grow up with huge emotional and psychological issues.

3) Don’t wall off the child from either parent – Many times one parent will try to prevent the other parent from seeing or interacting with the kids. It may be a misguided attempt to “punish” the other parent, it may simply be mean spiritedness, or it may be one parent afraid to give up control. Unless there is some underlying issue why one parent shouldn’t see the child, such as past child abuse, this does no good for the kid at all. To have the best chance of growing up well adjusted, kids need a sound relationship with both of their parents.

4) Remembering that the child’s welfare come’s first – Getting a divorce is difficult, we know. But it’s not all about the parents. It’s about everyone in the family relationship – parents and kids alike. Keeping this simple fact in mind will not only make the transition easier for the kids, it often improves the relationship between the divorcing parents as well. Keeping the welfare of your kids at the forefront of your mind, makes the whole divorce and after divorce more civil.

For those that are greatly concerned with their child’s welfare and would like to do all they can to protect them once the divorce has gone through, think about joining a divorce education programs. A divorce education program can do all of that and more.

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Filed under Divorce : Comments (0) : Feb 20th, 2009

Economy Forcing More Married Couples To Stay Together

For years the government and family counselors have been working to get the devorse rate down in the U.S. Now, the economy seems to be having success in doing what they couldn’t – keeping families together. More and more dissatisfied married couples find themselves staying together today because of the uncertain economic times ahead. Particularly in two income families where the spouses know that neither of them could survive on just one salary. In other words, until the economy improves, for many people, it’s just too expensive to get a divorce.

In many towns and cities, the divorce rates support this theory. For instance, in Lucas County, Ohio the divorce rate has been steadily trending downwards, along with the economy, since 2003. The number of divorce filings decreased from 2,047 to 1,839 over a five year span. Local divorce filings in Fairfield, Connecticut, according to a prominent divorce attorney, has gone down 40% in the past year alone.

This state of affairs is being replicated in towns across the United States. Even people with assets are affected. The housing bubble implosion saw the home values of many homeowners go down by as much as half or more. No one wants to file for divorce when their assets have declined that much. Better to ride it out until the economy recovers and both parties end up with more money.

It’s not really a surprise that the number of divorce filings have gone down. If you look back through history, you’ll see that tight economic periods are synonymous with a low percentage of divorce. When a couple divorces, suddenly you’re talking about supporting two separate households with no increase in monthly income. In addition, you’re going to have court fees, moving fees, possible child support and alimony payments, and last but not least, attorney fees.

As a result, some couples have made the decision that rather than seek a divorce, to try one more time to try to work out differences. Some couples actually manage to make it work. They are able to take advantage of the situation and re-connect with the qualities in the person that they were originally attracted to. Others, however, are simply remaining in a holding pattern waiting for the first chance to escape.

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Filed under Divorce : Comments (0) : Feb 5th, 2009

Adjusting After Divorce

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Returning to a normal life after divorce can be difficult for anyone. If you were married for several years, or just a few months, the emotional trauma many feel after the papers are signed can affect other aspects of your life. But there are ways to overcome the emotional barriers you feel after going through a divorce, especially when children are involved. Whether you are trying to grow accustomed to having joint physical custody or live under a specific property settlement, you will no doubt experience a few drastic changes.

After divorce, it can be hard for anyone to think about beginning a romantic relationship. Ending a marriage can leave a person feeling somewhat vulnerable and inadequate. It can also be extremely difficult for you to suddenly switch from loving another person to feeling either hatred or indifference towards them. How an individual copes with life after divorce can also depend on what role the divorced person played in the situation. When you leave a spouse, you may feel a sense of control over the situation because the decision was yours. But when you are left by a spouse, feelings of desertion or betrayal can arise. To help overcome these emotions, it is suggested to take time for yourself and focus on things that make you happy. This may require you to think back to the marriage and see what your role was in the relationship. Did you feel like the marriage was missing something important? Did you often give more emotionally than you received from your spouse? By stepping back and taking time for yourself, you allow emotional wounds to heal before starting any future relationships. Finding out what makes you happy and what your emotional needs are will help you make better decisions about who you choose to date.

Other issues that arise after a divorce are the problems children can face when their parents are living in two different places. Child custody laws can make divorce proceedings difficult and lengthy for everyone involved. In the end, the children are left feeling pulled in two directions. Holidays are the most stressful thing children must adjust to after the custody litigation is resolved. A divorced parent can help their child by making a plan for the holidays and discussing where they will be spending them.

Explain that holiday traditions don’t have to change, but will only be different because both parents won’t be present. Listening to your child’s fears and frustrations about the custody and visitation settlement can help them adjust to living in two places. Many children miss the parent they are not visiting, so allow them to maintain contact during their stay. Helping your child adjust will vary depending on their age, but helping them maintain a sense of normalcy in a difficult situation will help make your relationship with your child stronger.

After divorce, property settlements can be a lengthy and frustrating process to finalize. This is especially true when a couple was married for an extensive period of time. Properties not only include the home you shared, but it can also include vehicles, the family pet and personal belongings. One of the most important things in a property division is finding out who gets the home. If you are keeping the property, be sure the deed is signed over in your name so you can take full responsibility for any payments left on the home. If your spouse gets the home, be sure they sign the deed and take full responsibility. Otherwise, you could be held accountable for payment of the mortgage if they fail to pay the lender.

Financial assets can be awarded to a spouse after divorce, but it can vary depending on your lawyers, the length of the marriage and what both parties originally brought into the marriage. Finally, in some instances, a divorced person can continue to stay on their ex-spouse’s health insurance plan for as long as three years. This is especially true in cases when children are involved and need to stay on one parent’s coverage. Insurance plans will again depend on your divorce settlement and what concessions are made during the proceedings.

Adjusting to life after divorce can seem difficult at first. But with time, the emotional wounds you feel will heal. Giving yourself a chance to cope with the changes you face in life will allow you to find out what is most important to you. Knowing this before you enter a new relationship can prevent you from having a string of meaningless romances. Discovering what is important to you will also help alleviate the problems children encounter when living with a divorced parent. And even if property settlements add extra strain to a difficult situation, coming to grips with your own emotions will improve your ability to think clearly.

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Filed under Divorce : Comments (0) : Jan 28th, 2009

Get back with my ex girlfriend-Is that possible

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“Anyone can give me tips to get my ex girlfriend back? Are there any surefire methods that I can use to get my ex girlfriend back to my side?”

Perhaps you have broken up and you really want to get your girlfriend back. Depending on how long you have already broken up with your girlfriend, the things that you need to do will be different.

Let us see what you can do when you have broken up.

If you have just broken up with your girlfriend, do not rush to talk to her. It is best to back off for the time being, for the good of both of you. Take a break for at least 2 weeks before contacting her again. You need to talk with your ex girlfriend without being carried away by your emotions.

First and foremost, take time to heal yourself. You don’t want to talk to your girlfriend when you are depressed as that will not do anything to help you in your relationship.

Second, your girlfriend will need to take a break too. Even if she is the one who asked for a break up, she will feel sad and hurt also. You will need to give her some time to cool down.

During this period, it will be a good idea for you to remove stuff that are related to her in your room. You can just pack them in a box for the time being so that you will not see them. If I were you, I will give myself some time to heal and improve on my emotional state so that I will be in good position to get back with my ex girl friend.

So “is it possible to get my ex back“? Well my answer is “Definitely Yes”!

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Filed under Divorce : Comments (0) : Jan 11th, 2009

Divorce Mediation Process: The Least Adversarial Approach to Concluding a Marriage

During divorce you will want to avoid court as much as possible. It is expensive! Instead, you and your ex want to agree ahead of time how all assets will be divided, and what will happen to any affected children. Then their lawyers draft all required paperwork, and the separation/divorce is made final.

The problems begin when the couple cannot agree on the process, or the splitting of assets. The divorce mediation process is the way to go in this case. If the couple can agree on a specific mediator, then this is the best and most economical route.

A divorce mediator is a nonaligned person or organisation which is professionally trained to assist separating couples to work out the unavoidable quarrels taking place in the course of the divorce mediation process. The most important duty of the divorce mediator is to create a realistic and practical separation arrangement.

5 Basic Reasons Why Divorce Mediation Is Better

(1) usually faster and cheaper than lawyers/courts
(2) more personal, as the couple shape the final agreement
(3) makes for a “friendlier” divorce (good if young children are involved)
(4) more flexible than court ordered agreements
(5) more confidential than court ordered agreements

The Process of Divorce Mediation

The mediator will probably work you through a number of draft agreements, until the final draft thus generated is agreed upon by both aggrieved parties in the divorce process. The divorce mediator will develop a closing document fit to be signed and sealed by both persons.

This divorce mediation process does not mean you can skip your lawyer. You will still need them to conduct a review of the concluded divorce agreement. 

Finding a Mediator

Here is a short list of some ways of finding a mediator.

(1) yellow pages
(2) circle of friends
(3) your lawyers
(4) search the Internet

Separation and divorce are negative processes, and the court system can sometimes make it more negative than it needs to be. Our hope is that you and your ex can agree on a mediator, as it can be a much calmer and sane way to go through the process.

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Filed under Divorce : Comments (0) : Oct 25th, 2008

Going Separate Ways When It’s Time To Play

There he goes again! He’s off to the baseball game with his friends while you stay at home alone. He didn’t even ask if you would like to go. Of course, you always seem to be making plans with your girlfriends that exclude men. If these descriptions sound like your situation and you’re married, the chances are you are having marital problems related to feeling neglect. You didn’t get married just so you could cook dinner! You got married because you were sure you both would be great friends with common interests and goals.

 

When one spouse sees another developing a completely separate life from the marriage, it can be difficult to handle. When you are first married you just couldn’t wait to do so many things together. In most cases you probably weren’t even interested in playing without your spouse while a newly wed. But relationships do change and people’s interests do vary, and life is full of responsibility. Taking care of these responsibilities can lead to husbands and wives going their separate ways when it is time to have some fun. Someone has to watch the children for example and someone has to finish the chores this weekend and so on.

Spouses may also go their separate ways when they feel as if they have grown apart. When there is constant arguing or disagreement in the marriage, you really don’t feel like spending any more time with you spouse than you need to. Who wants to play with someone they are not getting along with? Unfortunately, the more you go your separate ways the more likely you are to end up divorced. You wake up one morning and realize the relationship is in real trouble.

Easy Solutions to the Problem

It is really not difficult to deal with the problem of never doing anything together. It’s amazing how many couples begin to live separate lives and then wonder where the love went! Keeping a marriage strong and healthy means you have to act like an item and not two people just living under the same roof.

If you find you don’t want to spend time with your spouse when it’s time to play, then you should evaluate the problems in the marriage leading to these feelings. If there are unresolved anger issues then you should talk to your spouse and explore how to resolve them. Keeping the communication lines open in the marriage is crucial.

Of course, if you don’t spend play time together because of responsibilities, you need to approach the problem from a different angle. For example, if you have children it might not be possible to go out together. In that case you can find activities to do together at home or with the entire family.

There are many things you can do together that help to strengthen relationships and don’t require major life changes.

  • Set aside a time to go out on a date together at least once or twice a month
  • Pick an activity you can do frequently that doesn’t take much time such as walks around the block
  • Invite joint friends over to your house for a BBQ or to watch a sports event
  • Find at least one thing you can do together that interests you both such as going to a movie or the theatre
  • Be spontaneous when possible and invite your spouse to the local outdoor concert in the park or to attend the local festival

Controlling the Circumstances

The point is to begin to play together on a regular basis. Chances are your spouse doesn’t understand how you are feeling if you have never expressed your frustration at failing to do anything together. Many times people don’t intentionally ignore their spouse, but just get caught up in circumstances. For example, your friends call and want to play golf every Saturday and you’re too tired at the end of the day to take your wife out to dinner. She calls her friends and goes out to dinner without you.

Naturally if you are intentionally avoiding each other there are deeper issues to resolve. You can start by talking about your own feelings in a non-confrontational manner. By doing so there will be an opportunity to begin recognizing those similarities you once shared. If the marital problems are discouraging you from sharing play time then it is even more important that you set aside time to do some things together.

 

Because if you don’t make the effort it will end up in divorce


 

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Filed under Divorce : Comments (0) : Oct 20th, 2008